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Thursday, November 3, 2011


Cassandre Dayne

“I will hurt you. I won’t harm you.” My Dom said to me during one of our conversations. Then he asked me to think about the statement and I do understand what he means. The odd thing is for a few minutes it left me with tingles. I’ve written a lot about the lifestyle of BDSM and I thought as an ending piece I would tell you that I culminated my learning (this doesn’t mean I know enough to engage or make a decision if I wanted to be a part of the lifestyle) but in my needs I met him one day after having spent probably over a hundred hours on line and on the phone. Yes, we met in a very public place and simply shared a conversation but it was even more of an eye opener.

For any of you that would say – what was he like? Like any very nice looking sixty-four year old man except he was perhaps more fit and very controlled in his actions. He’s also very good looking and charming and you can tell from the watch he wears and the truck he drives that he has money. That being said he also works hard still in a profession that is a family oriented situation and requires his complete anonymity from the facts of what he truly is – a Master. He laughed when he told me that so many people when they meet him say – you’re not at all like I thought you’d be. So he asks them what they expected, leather and chains? The answer is a resounding yes.

I really respect what he’s taught me. I asked him to tell me IF I decided to become his slave what would it mean and he said first that he was very possessive and wouldn’t want me seeing anyone else. He also stated very clearly that while he enjoys forms of sadism he is no sadist but he worried for me personally since I am very fair skinned that my body would bruise very easily and it would take a significant amount of time to acclimate me into his needs. His needs – as he said – they’re not fair. He sees another slave from time to time that he won’t collar and would consider collaring me. (Keep in mind I’m married – he is well aware of this and this again is hypothetical). But he is also married in a vanilla situation and won’t leave her. His sex drive is very high and stated he can go for hours having his slave pleasure him.

He commented he enjoys being a decent man and one who if we were out would open doors and pull out chairs and say please and thank you but therein is the truth around the lifestyle. It would simply take a tone of voice or a single look and I would know if I crossed the line. He told me he would control my pleasure but if I was giving him all that I could – and he stated clearly that he expects his slaves to follow his directions to the letter and he would teach me how to ask for my needs but that I shouldn’t expect them. I would have a safe word but he hoped that I would in time forgo the need but if he disciplined me that word wouldn’t apply. He told me about his long time slave – a woman sixteen years his junior that he had a relationship for fourteen years until she died of a brain tumor. She was a professional attorney who commanded men every day but she was totally his slave.

I loved the story of how they met on a case and she was the lead attorney (he used to be with the DEA so you can imagine the cases he worked on) and she led the men around in the room like they were drones. She ended up in an elevator with him and made some smart comment and he simply looked at her and said “you can do that with the other men in the room but if you take that tone with me again I’ll put you over my knee and spank your naked bottom” and as you can imagine she was intrigued. They met for a drink and talked and they entered into a relationship. He said only one time did he seriously have to discipline her and I can tell you I had shivers racing down my spine from the words alone. Whew.

He’d mentioned to me on several occasions that he has many talents with regards to sadistic acts and while I asked several times for him to give me an example he refused saying I would shy away immediately from him in fear and that’s not something he would initiate in the beginning of the relationship. The one thing he did say is that during the first few sessions I wouldn’t really even know this was anything other than fairly vanilla because he wanted to get to know my body completely – from likes and pain tolerances to feel, taste and touch. Then he could begin the training.

I won’t go into some details about what he wants as it would probably turn you off but in explaining some terminologies and how he was trained by several masters in Korea he came to not only understand but respect aspects that the Western worlds don’t explain well. For example Golden Showers are used for humiliation here in the US etc most of the time and the act is considered one of the most intimate in other countries. It was truly fascinating the time I spent and the oddest thing about the meeting was the level of complete respect I had when I left the meeting. Am I going to see him again? I’m not sure. If I were single would I enter into something? Not sure as well but he left me with more questions than answers I suppose which means the time of exploration was well worth indulging in my curiosity.

You’ve heard me say this before, in writing erotic romance, I have spent hours and hours researching my craft. I think all good writers do and as you can imagine, learning more about certain erotic arts and activities has been fascinating. There are many aspects of the genre and the flavors can be from fairly vanilla laced with a touch of kink to living the lifestyle. One of the flavors I enjoy writing about is BDSM – I don’t mean simply light spanking and toys that you and your partner order and enjoy. I certainly do have many of those delicious little bits in my books along with ménage, public display and voyeurism but I’m also talking about a practiced art where two or more people consent into entering into a life of pleasure that stretches the boundaries. I think that’s why it was so important to go down this road.

He is very well aware of the fact I write and has offered to continue training me in any aspect I would consider. He believes I have a bent in the direction of being a slave – not a submissive as there is a difference but of course he won’t cross any boundaries given our respective marital situations. I am honored to consider him a friend as odd as that sounds. I hope you’ve enjoyed learning as much as I have and if you consider this lifestyle there are so many things to think about in order to make a decent decision. Please don’t do it lightly.

Kisses xxx







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  1. Wow this is extremely interesting. Very much an eye opener! I like it!

  2. Thanks guys - glad you liked it - it's been an interesting ride

  3. Fascinating. NNP has a new follower.

  4. Cass, this is a very, very interesting post. So briefly, what is the difference between a Slave versus a Submissive?

  5. Very informative and I deeply admire your research and willingness to learn about such matters that many would run from.

  6. Hi Cassandre! This article found it's way to me and I'm so glad I clicked the FB link! Thank you, Tiberius! It's like light to a moth...attracting me closer. I never tire of reading about the lifestyle, always learning no matter what the topic. the juices are flowing....ha! Sorry, the writing juices but... don't the two go hand in hand? (See, one thing leads to another!) Of course they do! *wink* I love that Masters are so controlled in their actions, completely thinking out their strategies, knowing everything they do will have consequences. The untrained Masters are fairly easy to spot...they don't quite have the self-control thing happening in the same way. Thank you for such a wonderful write up! I'm sure you'll be seeing me around at some of your other stops as well! Muah!

  7. Cassandra- I'm so envious that you found a Dom that would be both candid with you and not trying to push you into a relationship. Oh, I can imagine he would seduce you into one, but not push. ;) Thanks again for the wonderful peek into a Dom's mind.

  8. Thanks for another informative and interesting blog, Cass! I've strictly been interested in writing about submissives, but a situation arose in my series where I have to write a Master/slave relationship. It's NOT my favorite thing (I prefer the Dom/sub relationships), but discussions with Masters have certainly been eye-openers for me, too. Good luck with whatever you decide to do with him. lol. At the very least, I hope he provides inspiration for your writing!