Today on Chit Chat and All That! we have the deliciously wicked and talented Benjamin T. Russell with the Mistress of all that is Wicked, Cassandre Dayne, talking about their favorite subjects...FANTASY AND FETISH.
Believe me readers, you will really need to grab a beverage, possibly something cold and make yourself very comfortable when you read their exchange, as you are bound to become quite "thoughtful" dreaming about what they are describing.
Fantasies and Fetishes
Benjamin:
I was so
juiced on adrenaline; my hands were cramping as I struggled to fasten all the
straps on my full body harness. Wouldn’t you know it, the damn one size fits
all O-ring was quite - snug. A glint of light danced off the metal studs when I
looked at myself in the mirror. The image excited my Muse
Jezebel and she danced in my mind.
I agree Jez,
you had another great idea, this is just the outfit we need to get your
imagination going for today’s Naughty Night Press Chit-Chat with the delectable
Ms. Cassandre Dayne.
Now, where did you put my Hugh Hefner smoking jacket?
*New BDSM toys placed artfully around
the room - $2,500
The apropos song - I Will Corrupt You
by Depeche Mode pulsing through my stereo sound system on a repeating loop -
$25
The lovely, sexy, Hell-Kat in sheep’s
clothing a.k.a. Cassandre Dayne alone
once again with me in my den of iniquity a.k.a. my media room – Fucking
Priceless.*
Hi Cass, it’s
so good to see you again, it’s been a while since I’ve had you - over.
Enter-enter, welcome to my humble abode. Please - have a seat. I bet you never
thought you’d be back in the infamous Benjamin Russell media room so soon. As you can see, it is still resplendent with movie posters of some of my all time
favorite porn stars: Vanessa del Rio, John Holmes, Jenna Jameson and the
incomparable Linda Lovelace.
Cassandre
By the way, I think you forgot a few delicious pieces including a studded
ruby collar and brand spanking new thigh high boots. I love what you’ve done
with the place. Howdy sexy man and I’ll add the song – The Lady in Red for the way I feel tonight. It’s Cassandre jumping
in to say Hi - to the ultra sexy and oh so dominating Benji. Yes, don’t forget
I’m a hell-kat and there’s only one way to deal with a very naughty vixen such
as myself. I’m going to guess Benji knows what that is – it’s called discipline
and that involves several things including a fantasy of mine – I love to be spanked.
So for today we’ll allow Benji to be Sir Benjamin, as we explain some
intricacies about fetishes and fantasies. Of course, we all have them. Don’t
we, Sir Benjamin?
Allow me to add something too – for fetishes and fantasies, they can be
wild and down right hard core or a touch vanilla. Sir Benjamin and I are going
to take this further into what some may never try in their relationships. Now,
there are many more than we’re describing from breath play to heavy duty
bondage, so keep in mind we’re only touching on a few. For demonstration
purposes, today Cassandre is the sub and Sir Benjamin the Dom - completely. I
know Sir Benjamin has something else to say before we get started… Sir, don’t
crack the whip yet.
Benjamin:
*Sucks in a
deep breath and exhales it slowly. Dark eyebrows rise and his eyes swallows the
Lady in Red like a can of Ensure*. Ok
Cass, I like the way you think. Since there are more fetishes and fantasies out
there than we could do justice to in a short post like this one, let’s focus on
the BDSM flavor of fetishes and fantasies.
Also, I had intended to apologize for taking so long to sit up our chat,
but under these new rules of engagement – no apology, Sir Benjamin doesn’t
apologize. By the way, we both know how
much our beloved Chit-Chat coordinator Mistress Penny likes to
crack the whip, but she’ll just have to wait until I’m ready. Psssh, between
you and me, I think she’d love to give my arse a few lashes.
*Penny sits on the sidelines watching, lovingly staring at Benjamin's butt, dreaming of the shades of red she can turn those tight cheeks into*
Oh, I see you
eyeballing some of my new ‘furnishings’. Well, since we’re here today to
chit-chat about Fetishes and Fantasies, I thought I should go get some of the
items that you and Mistress
Gina Kincade suggested when you were here for our previous chit-chats.
I’ve got the spanking bench that you said no Dom’s playroom should be without
and on the wall, is the X-cross that Gina recommended. So, what do you think?
Cassandre
Purr... I
personally love the bench and can just imagine being tied and flogged – but of
course only if you wield the leather. Toys and furniture – for many of us we
might allow something slightly kinky such as purchasing a pair of handcuffs. I
have a pair – fuzzy red in color and while they’re fun to toy with, they’re
playtime only. (Gazes around Sir
Benjamin’s place and sucks in her breath.) There are so many more
aspects to providing true playtime, for those who aren’t into vanilla and
that’s what Sir Benjamin and I are going to talk about. From handcuffs to
floggers, spanking benches to the St. Christopher’s Cross, what we’re talking
about is fairly standard to those who understand the practice, but not to
others who might want to engage in something kinkier, but fear what they hunger
for. Sir Benjamin, what have you had experience with and what would you like to
try? I do so love your furnishings. Tell me, will you use them on me? I’ll be a
very good girl.
Benjamin:
*Stifles a
chuckle* Cass, something tells me that you had a hard time even spelling ‘good
girl.’ I have certainly used the handcuffs and had them used on me. I’ve also
administered my share of spankings over my knee, but the spanking bench will be
a new experience for me. I’m trying to decide how much of a distraction it
would be to strapped you in now, or if we should wait until after the Chit
Chat. *Sighs* Let’s continue our discussion for now, or until you do something
willful to test me.
Cassandre
You do
understand how willful I am, right? (She says as she gives him a mischievous
smile) I honestly think you need to tether me to both and remind me how I need
to obey. For the layperson, engaging in fetishes is something you both have to
talk about and agree on. I mentioned the D/s situation and by the time you as a
couple get to this point you have to know what you’re getting into - that can
only happen when you both talk. I’ve said this before, but entering into this
either as play or a lifestyle is something that can’t be taken lightly. There
are a lot of Dom wannbe’s and they don’t know what they’re doing. I heard just
today someone asking how to handle a girl who loves pain. While spanking is of
course painful, there are aspects if performed correctly by the Dom that pull
the sub into a moment of ecstasy. If they are expecting that and then the Dom
is a sadist, the sub will hate what is happening. I’m lucky to have Sir
Benjamin who wants to train me, guide me and discipline me as we move into
another level of our relationship. Sir Benjamin, I think you need to describe
what you want as far a sub in this world of fetishes.
Benjamin:
*Tries to
adjust the constricting O-ring without being too obvious* What I want, is to bend you over that chair and - Oops, did I say
that aloud? *Clears throat* Ok, when it comes to a good sub, I think there are
three ‘basic’ requirements. By the way, I’ve gathered most of this information
from friends of mine in the lifestyle who have graciously given me some of their
insights. I must admit it has all resonated with me:
Trust.
Being a good sub really does require the ability to let go, to know that your
dom is never going to go past your limits no matter how hard they push.
Obedience. If I say to do
something, they do it. I should NEVER have to repeat myself. If they invoke the
safety word, that's fine, but they'd better be damned sure that they want me to
stop.
Self Respect. Some subs like
to be humiliated, but that doesn't mean they have to truly believe that they
DESERVE to be humiliated. It's about mutual enjoyment, not about self-hate.
Cassandre
First, allow
me to also address from my point of view as a sub about my Sir or my Master
Trust The bond shared with a Master is stronger than
marriage. I have to trust him to know when I’ve had enough and if he asks me to
do something – including sharing with another person, it’s safe.
Obedience I tease and have conversations with Sir
Benjamin about being willful and at first he didn’t understand. Some subs will
stretch their boundaries to see what they can either get away with or they want
to have the Master/Dom take control. BUT… they also know when they can’t cross
those lines and disappoint.
Self Respect
I completely respect myself and would my Dom. Again, this is not
something to enter into lightly. You really have to know each other and
trust. Learning about the lifestyle
takes time and you have to allow yourself the understanding sometimes you’ll
fail.
All right,
let’s get to our subject today – Fetishes and Fantasies. Some people aren't
sure if they even have a fetish while others think that their fetishes are
abnormal. So what is a fetish? If you have a fetish, you are obsessively
fixated on either an object or a body part. That means you need that specific
something for sexual gratification. When you masturbate, you fantasize about
that particular thing. Even if you have sex with a partner, you still need to
fantasize about that object or have it present for you to get off. For instance, if you're attracted to
brunettes, that's one thing, but if you are unable to get aroused unless you're
with a brunette, then you likely have a fetish for brunettes.
A fantasy is quite
simply something you would love to have happen, but it probably never will.
Benjamin:
Perfect, I
sometimes get it confused. So, let me ask you a question, I’ve been having a
disagreement with a friend of mine. She’s into having her toes sucked, is that
a fetish? Me, I’m am definitely into oral sex, as you and I discussed in our Oral
Sex Chit Chat, is that a fetish?
Cassandre
I guess for
some it can be but for others it’s simply a matter of foreplay. But then again
that depends on how you’re doing it. What I personally think is a fantasy is
different for all of us but we do all have them. Fetishes many people aren’t
going to explore but fantasies are softer, easier. What are yours, Sir
Benjamin?
Benjamin:
I am
beginning to believe that what I want no longer falls into the fantasy
category, because I now believe it will happen. However, before today, I would
say that my fantasy was to find the perfect, willing sub – not just for
playtime, but as a mate.
Cassandre
For me I do
crave a D/s situation with a very strong Dom but that’s not something you take
lightly so if and when I would enter into the situation I’d know what I was
getting into. I think Sir Benjamin you have strong tendencies toward being a
Dom. Do you and why?
Benjamin:
Trust – the
trust aspect of a D/s relationship appeals to me more than the over-the-top
playtime. Don’t get me wrong, the playtime part of is huge. *Squirms and
blatantly squeezes his length* However, the level of trust required in a
working D/s relationship, for both parties, is something I’ve never experienced
before and I’ve recently realized it’s
something I hunger for.
Cassandre
Well, there
are still stigmas about the lifestyle and misunderstandings. I would never have
admitted my cravings years ago and in truth, few people know what I hunger for.
You have to honestly admit it to yourself first, but finding a partner is
tough. What do I like.. Hmmm… Fetish – I think personally for me figging is
something I crave and I don’t see the benches and the cross as a fetish. I see
that as the beginning of a lifestyle change. How do you feel Sir Benjamin?
Benjamin
Cass,
honestly – I can still see the cross, the benches and even the spanking as
being fetishes. I don’t mean that in a
negative way and I certainly don’t see anything wrong with the lifestyle or
those desires. However, using the spanking as an example, if it becomes a
requirement for one party or the other to enjoy the sex, then I think it
qualifies as a fetish.
Personally, based
on the definition we’re using for fetishes, I guess for me it’s a combination
of performing oral sex and “dirty” - sex talk. I won’t repeat my thoughts on
oral sex, if anyone is interested, they can read our previous Oral
Sex Chit Chat, by clicking on the embedded link. I use the word “dirty”
loosely, so that everyone will know what I’m talking about. I don’t think there
is anything dirty about telling your lover, in specific terms; don’t spare the
four-letter words, exactly what you want done to you and what you want to do to
him/her. If all my partner can do is
moan and not say the words, that’s actually a turn-off for me, that’s why I
consider it a personal fetish.
Cassandre
Why don’t we
take fetishes one by one? St.
Christopher’s Cross -
The thought
of being tied to the cross while my Dom uses a myriad of implements is mind
boggling and again, a good Dom knows when not to take it too far. This isn’t
about punishment as much as it is about the playtime and taking the sub into
subspace while the Dom enjoys his or her reactions. A true Dom knows when
enough is enough. Sir Benjamin, if you were to tie me to the cross, what would
you do?
Benjamin
Before or after? Cass, if I had you tied to the cross –
I’d *Sucks in air, exhaling it sharply* Before we began, I’d make sure we
agreed on a safe word. Also, before I took the flogger to you, I’d probably
apply some oil to your back and ass – with my hands. Since this would be our first time, I would listen closely to your breathing and watch how your body
responds to the flogger to make sure I don’t take it too far.
Cassandre
Mmm… now it’s
getting hot in here. Care for a real life demonstration on a willing partner?
(She sighs and gives him her most teasing look of submission) Figging - For
those of you who know me know I talk about figging – the art of using ginger in
a sub’s ass before discipline. There are other uses but let’s concentrate on
this. A Dom would place a piece of carved ginger root (we’re not going to go
into specifics about how you cut the piece and deal with it – we can get into
that later again if needed) For the concept of fetishes it’s a very sexy thing
two can share together. Imagine selecting a piece of ginger root at your local
grocery store and then you as the sub are forced to sit and watch as the Dom
cuts the piece into the perfect dildo shape and then either chooses to use it
right away or freezes it. I heard recently from a man who practices with his
sub how freezing intensifies. Would you use that on me Sir Benjamin and what do
you think?
Benjamin:
Cass, I must
admit that I didn’t know about figging until I read your book – Forced
Fantasies. Gawd, that is a hot book. If some of our readers are
interested in a book that explores very intense fantasies and fetishes – I
highly recommend that you click on the embedded link and get your copy of Forced
Fantasies. Now, my short answer to your question is,
Ab-So-Fucking-Lutely. I will start growing my own ginger root just to make sure
we never run out.
Cassandre
Ladies, does
this man have a way of making you all hot and bothered? I won’t tell you what I
might be doing with my hand right about now. Yes, Sir. Never run out PLEASE! Allowing a third into your bed
– Hmmm, isn’t that sexy and a fetish and fantasy all wrapped up into one? I’ve
often commented I hunger for a polyamory situation in which I have at least two
people living in the house and sharing a bed but that’s extreme. What if you
wanted to simply enjoy a moment of kink with another? We’re not talking about
anything other than safe here, but imagine the delight for my Sir Benjamin as
he decides to bring another male or female into our bed. Is that something
you’d enjoy, Sir
Benjamin:
I wonder what Mistress
Gina Kincade is doing tonight? Cass I have visions of sugarplums dancing through my head
at such a delicious idea. Of course, there may be times as a form of punishment;
the sub would not be allowed to participate in the evening activities. Perhaps
she would be tethered and forced to watch. Is that something a sub would enjoy
or would it truly be a punishment?
Cassandre:
Well, I do
enjoy a delicious ménage but in truth you as my Dom would and could use that as
a means of punishment. I can tell you without hesitation, for this sub not to
be allowed to indulge would be a punishment. No matter how much I crave having
another, seeing my Dom enter into somebody, would certainly remind me of my
place.
I think for
all of us we have fantasies and some might consider them going into the fetish
side. We haven’t discussed things like men wearing sexy women’s lingerie or
items such as hot candle wax. There are many aspect of the BDSM lifestyle that
most would not enter into and probably shy away from but for many, it’s what
they crave. I think what we all have to remember that we are individuals and
hungering for something that might not be considered The Cleaver Family – is
just fine. If you as two or more adults trust and want to try – learn first and
make sure you know what you’re getting into.
Oh Sir
Benjamin – have I been a very good girl today?
Benjamin:
*Bares teeth as
arousal coils inside him like a viper ready to strike. Slowly removes all outer garments until he is standing in front
of Cass glad in only his full body harness, the O-ring bursting at the
seams* Cass, drop to your knees and show
me just how good you can be.
Giving him a
nod, she slowly sinks down, her eyes never leaving his. “Yes, Sir Benjamin.”
