Fantasies and Fetishes with Cassandre Dayne and Benjamin T. Russell on Chit Chat and All That!

Today on Chit Chat and All That! we have the deliciously wicked and talented Benjamin T. Russell with the Mistress of all that is Wicked, Cassandre Dayne, talking about their favorite subjects...FANTASY AND FETISH.

Believe me readers, you will really need to grab a beverage, possibly something cold and make yourself very comfortable when you read their exchange, as you are bound to become quite "thoughtful" dreaming about what they are describing.

Fantasies and Fetishes

Benjamin:

I was so juiced on adrenaline; my hands were cramping as I struggled to fasten all the straps on my full body harness. Wouldn’t you know it, the damn one size fits all O-ring was quite - snug. A glint of light danced off the metal studs when I looked at myself in the mirror. The image excited my Muse Jezebel and she danced in my mind. 

I agree Jez, you had another great idea, this is just the outfit we need to get your imagination going for today’s Naughty Night Press Chit-Chat with the delectable Ms. Cassandre Dayne. Now, where did you put my Hugh Hefner smoking jacket?  

*New BDSM toys placed artfully around the room - $2,500

The apropos song - I Will Corrupt You by Depeche Mode pulsing through my stereo sound system on a repeating loop - $25

The lovely, sexy, Hell-Kat in sheep’s clothing a.k.a. Cassandre Dayne alone once again with me in my den of iniquity a.k.a. my media room – Fucking Priceless.*

Hi Cass, it’s so good to see you again, it’s been a while since I’ve had you - over. Enter-enter, welcome to my humble abode. Please - have a seat. I bet you never thought you’d be back in the infamous Benjamin Russell media room so soon.  As you can see, it is still resplendent with movie posters of some of my all time favorite porn stars: Vanessa del Rio, John Holmes, Jenna Jameson and the incomparable Linda Lovelace.

Cassandre

By the way, I think you forgot a few delicious pieces including a studded ruby collar and brand spanking new thigh high boots. I love what you’ve done with the place. Howdy sexy man and I’ll add the song – The Lady in Red for the way I feel tonight. It’s Cassandre jumping in to say Hi - to the ultra sexy and oh so dominating Benji. Yes, don’t forget I’m a hell-kat and there’s only one way to deal with a very naughty vixen such as myself. I’m going to guess Benji knows what that is – it’s called discipline and that involves several things including a fantasy of mine – I love to be spanked. So for today we’ll allow Benji to be Sir Benjamin, as we explain some intricacies about fetishes and fantasies. Of course, we all have them. Don’t we, Sir Benjamin?

Allow me to add something too – for fetishes and fantasies, they can be wild and down right hard core or a touch vanilla. Sir Benjamin and I are going to take this further into what some may never try in their relationships. Now, there are many more than we’re describing from breath play to heavy duty bondage, so keep in mind we’re only touching on a few. For demonstration purposes, today Cassandre is the sub and Sir Benjamin the Dom - completely. I know Sir Benjamin has something else to say before we get started… Sir, don’t crack the whip yet.

Benjamin:

*Sucks in a deep breath and exhales it slowly. Dark eyebrows rise and his eyes swallows the Lady in Red like a can of Ensure*.  Ok Cass, I like the way you think. Since there are more fetishes and fantasies out there than we could do justice to in a short post like this one, let’s focus on the BDSM flavor of fetishes and fantasies.  Also, I had intended to apologize for taking so long to sit up our chat, but under these new rules of engagement – no apology, Sir Benjamin doesn’t apologize.  By the way, we both know how much our beloved Chit-Chat coordinator Mistress Penny likes to crack the whip, but she’ll just have to wait until I’m ready. Psssh, between you and me, I think she’d love to give my arse a few lashes.  

*Penny sits on the sidelines watching, lovingly staring at Benjamin's butt, dreaming of the shades of red she can turn those tight cheeks into*

Oh, I see you eyeballing some of my new ‘furnishings’. Well, since we’re here today to chit-chat about Fetishes and Fantasies, I thought I should go get some of the items that you and Mistress Gina Kincade suggested when you were here for our previous chit-chats. I’ve got the spanking bench that you said no Dom’s playroom should be without and on the wall, is the X-cross that Gina recommended. So, what do you think?

Cassandre

Purr... I personally love the bench and can just imagine being tied and flogged – but of course only if you wield the leather. Toys and furniture – for many of us we might allow something slightly kinky such as purchasing a pair of handcuffs. I have a pair – fuzzy red in color and while they’re fun to toy with, they’re playtime only. (Gazes around Sir Benjamin’s place and sucks in her breath.) There are so many more aspects to providing true playtime, for those who aren’t into vanilla and that’s what Sir Benjamin and I are going to talk about. From handcuffs to floggers, spanking benches to the St. Christopher’s Cross, what we’re talking about is fairly standard to those who understand the practice, but not to others who might want to engage in something kinkier, but fear what they hunger for. Sir Benjamin, what have you had experience with and what would you like to try? I do so love your furnishings. Tell me, will you use them on me? I’ll be a very good girl.

Benjamin:

*Stifles a chuckle* Cass, something tells me that you had a hard time even spelling ‘good girl.’ I have certainly used the handcuffs and had them used on me. I’ve also administered my share of spankings over my knee, but the spanking bench will be a new experience for me. I’m trying to decide how much of a distraction it would be to strapped you in now, or if we should wait until after the Chit Chat. *Sighs* Let’s continue our discussion for now, or until you do something willful to test me.

Cassandre

You do understand how willful I am, right? (She says as she gives him a mischievous smile) I honestly think you need to tether me to both and remind me how I need to obey. For the layperson, engaging in fetishes is something you both have to talk about and agree on. I mentioned the D/s situation and by the time you as a couple get to this point you have to know what you’re getting into - that can only happen when you both talk. I’ve said this before, but entering into this either as play or a lifestyle is something that can’t be taken lightly. There are a lot of Dom wannbe’s and they don’t know what they’re doing. I heard just today someone asking how to handle a girl who loves pain. While spanking is of course painful, there are aspects if performed correctly by the Dom that pull the sub into a moment of ecstasy. If they are expecting that and then the Dom is a sadist, the sub will hate what is happening. I’m lucky to have Sir Benjamin who wants to train me, guide me and discipline me as we move into another level of our relationship. Sir Benjamin, I think you need to describe what you want as far a sub in this world of fetishes.

Benjamin:

*Tries to adjust the constricting O-ring without being too obvious* What I want, is to bend you over that chair and - Oops, did I say that aloud? *Clears throat* Ok, when it comes to a good sub, I think there are three ‘basic’ requirements. By the way, I’ve gathered most of this information from friends of mine in the lifestyle who have graciously given me some of their insights. I must admit it has all resonated with me:

Trust. Being a good sub really does require the ability to let go, to know that your dom is never going to go past your limits no matter how hard they push.

Obedience. If I say to do something, they do it. I should NEVER have to repeat myself. If they invoke the safety word, that's fine, but they'd better be damned sure that they want me to stop.

Self Respect. Some subs like to be humiliated, but that doesn't mean they have to truly believe that they DESERVE to be humiliated. It's about mutual enjoyment, not about self-hate.

Cassandre

First, allow me to also address from my point of view as a sub about my Sir or my Master

Trust  The bond shared with a Master is stronger than marriage. I have to trust him to know when I’ve had enough and if he asks me to do something – including sharing with another person, it’s safe.

Obedience  I tease and have conversations with Sir Benjamin about being willful and at first he didn’t understand. Some subs will stretch their boundaries to see what they can either get away with or they want to have the Master/Dom take control. BUT… they also know when they can’t cross those lines and disappoint.

Self Respect  I completely respect myself and would my Dom. Again, this is not something to enter into lightly. You really have to know each other and trust.  Learning about the lifestyle takes time and you have to allow yourself the understanding sometimes you’ll fail.

All right, let’s get to our subject today – Fetishes and Fantasies. Some people aren't sure if they even have a fetish while others think that their fetishes are abnormal. So what is a fetish? If you have a fetish, you are obsessively fixated on either an object or a body part. That means you need that specific something for sexual gratification. When you masturbate, you fantasize about that particular thing. Even if you have sex with a partner, you still need to fantasize about that object or have it present for you to get off.  For instance, if you're attracted to brunettes, that's one thing, but if you are unable to get aroused unless you're with a brunette, then you likely have a fetish for brunettes.

A fantasy is quite simply something you would love to have happen, but it probably never will.

Benjamin:

Perfect, I sometimes get it confused. So, let me ask you a question, I’ve been having a disagreement with a friend of mine. She’s into having her toes sucked, is that a fetish? Me, I’m am definitely into oral sex, as you and I discussed in our Oral Sex Chit Chat, is that a fetish?  

Cassandre

I guess for some it can be but for others it’s simply a matter of foreplay. But then again that depends on how you’re doing it. What I personally think is a fantasy is different for all of us but we do all have them. Fetishes many people aren’t going to explore but fantasies are softer, easier. What are yours, Sir Benjamin?

Benjamin:

I am beginning to believe that what I want no longer falls into the fantasy category, because I now believe it will happen. However, before today, I would say that my fantasy was to find the perfect, willing sub – not just for playtime, but as a mate.

Cassandre

For me I do crave a D/s situation with a very strong Dom but that’s not something you take lightly so if and when I would enter into the situation I’d know what I was getting into. I think Sir Benjamin you have strong tendencies toward being a Dom. Do you and why?

Benjamin:

Trust – the trust aspect of a D/s relationship appeals to me more than the over-the-top playtime. Don’t get me wrong, the playtime part of is huge. *Squirms and blatantly squeezes his length* However, the level of trust required in a working D/s relationship, for both parties, is something I’ve never experienced before and I’ve recently realized  it’s something I hunger for.

Cassandre

Well, there are still stigmas about the lifestyle and misunderstandings. I would never have admitted my cravings years ago and in truth, few people know what I hunger for. You have to honestly admit it to yourself first, but finding a partner is tough. What do I like.. Hmmm… Fetish – I think personally for me figging is something I crave and I don’t see the benches and the cross as a fetish. I see that as the beginning of a lifestyle change. How do you feel Sir Benjamin? 

Benjamin

Cass, honestly – I can still see the cross, the benches and even the spanking as being fetishes.  I don’t mean that in a negative way and I certainly don’t see anything wrong with the lifestyle or those desires. However, using the spanking as an example, if it becomes a requirement for one party or the other to enjoy the sex, then I think it qualifies as a fetish.

Personally, based on the definition we’re using for fetishes, I guess for me it’s a combination of performing oral sex and “dirty” - sex talk. I won’t repeat my thoughts on oral sex, if anyone is interested, they can read our previous Oral Sex Chit Chat, by clicking on the embedded link. I use the word “dirty” loosely, so that everyone will know what I’m talking about. I don’t think there is anything dirty about telling your lover, in specific terms; don’t spare the four-letter words, exactly what you want done to you and what you want to do to him/her.  If all my partner can do is moan and not say the words, that’s actually a turn-off for me, that’s why I consider it a personal fetish.

Cassandre

Why don’t we take fetishes one by one? St. Christopher’s Cross -

The thought of being tied to the cross while my Dom uses a myriad of implements is mind boggling and again, a good Dom knows when not to take it too far. This isn’t about punishment as much as it is about the playtime and taking the sub into subspace while the Dom enjoys his or her reactions. A true Dom knows when enough is enough. Sir Benjamin, if you were to tie me to the cross, what would you do?

Benjamin

Before or after? Cass, if I had you tied to the cross – I’d *Sucks in air, exhaling it sharply* Before we began, I’d make sure we agreed on a safe word. Also, before I took the flogger to you, I’d probably apply some oil to your back and ass – with my hands. Since this would be our first time, I would listen closely to your breathing and watch how your body responds to the flogger to make sure I don’t take it too far.   

Cassandre

Mmm… now it’s getting hot in here. Care for a real life demonstration on a willing partner? (She sighs and gives him her most teasing look of submission) Figging - For those of you who know me know I talk about figging – the art of using ginger in a sub’s ass before discipline. There are other uses but let’s concentrate on this. A Dom would place a piece of carved ginger root (we’re not going to go into specifics about how you cut the piece and deal with it – we can get into that later again if needed) For the concept of fetishes it’s a very sexy thing two can share together. Imagine selecting a piece of ginger root at your local grocery store and then you as the sub are forced to sit and watch as the Dom cuts the piece into the perfect dildo shape and then either chooses to use it right away or freezes it. I heard recently from a man who practices with his sub how freezing intensifies. Would you use that on me Sir Benjamin and what do you think?

Benjamin:

Cass, I must admit that I didn’t know about figging until I read your book – Forced Fantasies. Gawd, that is a hot book. If some of our readers are interested in a book that explores very intense fantasies and fetishes – I highly recommend that you click on the embedded link and get your copy of Forced Fantasies. Now, my short answer to your question is, Ab-So-Fucking-Lutely. I will start growing my own ginger root just to make sure we never run out.

Cassandre

Ladies, does this man have a way of making you all hot and bothered? I won’t tell you what I might be doing with my hand right about now. Yes, Sir. Never run out PLEASE! Allowing a third into your bed – Hmmm, isn’t that sexy and a fetish and fantasy all wrapped up into one? I’ve often commented I hunger for a polyamory situation in which I have at least two people living in the house and sharing a bed but that’s extreme. What if you wanted to simply enjoy a moment of kink with another? We’re not talking about anything other than safe here, but imagine the delight for my Sir Benjamin as he decides to bring another male or female into our bed. Is that something you’d enjoy, Sir

Benjamin:

I wonder what Mistress Gina Kincade is doing tonight? Cass I have visions of sugarplums dancing through my head at such a delicious idea. Of course, there may be times as a form of punishment; the sub would not be allowed to participate in the evening activities. Perhaps she would be tethered and forced to watch. Is that something a sub would enjoy or would it truly be a punishment?

Cassandre:

Well, I do enjoy a delicious ménage but in truth you as my Dom would and could use that as a means of punishment. I can tell you without hesitation, for this sub not to be allowed to indulge would be a punishment. No matter how much I crave having another, seeing my Dom enter into somebody, would certainly remind me of my place.

I think for all of us we have fantasies and some might consider them going into the fetish side. We haven’t discussed things like men wearing sexy women’s lingerie or items such as hot candle wax. There are many aspect of the BDSM lifestyle that most would not enter into and probably shy away from but for many, it’s what they crave. I think what we all have to remember that we are individuals and hungering for something that might not be considered The Cleaver Family – is just fine. If you as two or more adults trust and want to try – learn first and make sure you know what you’re getting into.

Oh Sir Benjamin – have I been a very good girl today?

Benjamin:

*Bares teeth as arousal coils inside him like a viper ready to strike. Slowly removes all  outer garments until he is standing in front of Cass glad in only his full body harness, the O-ring bursting at the seams*  Cass, drop to your knees and show me just how good you can be.

Giving him a nod, she slowly sinks down, her eyes never leaving his. “Yes, Sir Benjamin.”