Chit Chat and All That! Vanilla Sex in the 21st Century with Dawne Prochilo and Ken Charles

Today on Chit Chat and All That! we have the delightful duo, Dawne Prochilo (DP) and Ken Charles (KC) discussing Vanilla Sex in the 21st Century. 
So sit back, relax, grab your drink of choice and read on.

·     THE MARITAL BED

     KC--When is the last time you saw either a mattress ad or a furniture ad wherethe couple was looking at twin beds or mattresses? “Oh look, dear, that cutelittle table would look great between our beds.” When is the last time a tv show or movie that depicted a bedroom scene of a bonded couple showed twinbeds? The Dick Van Dyke Show hits 50 this year, but Rob and Laura Petrie’s bedroom is long a thing of the past. Sharing a bed is the norm for a couple,regardless of sexuality. So sharing a bed is “vanilla”.

DP--Is vanilla even a term we can use anymore? In the past (decades ago),vanilla erotic romance was unheard of- now it is used to describe (in myopinion) the Harlequin-esque sweet romances. No entering the bedroom for the'rough and tough' sex we all crave, just the insinuation. Harsh words anddialogue are left to the readers' imaginations whereas erotic romance invitesyou into the bedroom, offers you a seat to watch and uses the words we allcrave to hear, read and visualize.

KC--The “sweet romance” that you describe may be the last vestigial remains ofthe pre-Age of Aquarius mentality. ABC has a new television series set in theearly 1960‘s called “Pan Am”, about the adventures of stewardesses. In thesecond episode, a stewardess is sexually assaulted by a passenger, and pokeshim with a fork to defend herself. The stewardess is at fault. One of thepilots offers to “put her over my knee” to placate the irate customer. TitleVII isn’t around until 1967. The point is that the female didn’t know herplace. In the bedroom, that meant performing her “wifely duties”, laying thereuntil the male got off and got off. Since readers, for the most part, no longerexpect a woman to have “wifely duties”, the author needs to show that sexual relationsare a mutual give and take venture.

· THE MISSIONARY POSITION

KC-- The missionary position, by definition, is “vanilla”. But is it really? Oris it merely an arbitrary designation bestowed on cowardly writers like myselfwho are unwilling to take on James Michner’s immortal takes on the missionaryposition in Hawaii? Is it just more fun to write about doing it “Cowboy”?That’s not new. Look up the definition of “ride rantipole”.

DP--The actual act of intercourse/sex is bland when left to the missionary position. Mix it up...add some toys to enhance the foreplay...talk dirty... be spontaneous... role play.

If you prefer the act bland and predictable, then continue with the missionary position.


· ADDING ENHANCEMENTS

DP- Whether the man adds a 'blue pill' or the woman adds a battery operated toy, these additions were unheard of decades ago. You enjoyed what you weredealt and people frowned upon (or hid) the fact that the woman loved having avibrator being used in her. This was taboo whereas now, couples are more openwith the contributions that outside enhancers can add to the bedroom.

KC- It’s not so much that “enhancers” were unavailable heretofore, as thatthere has been a cultural shift that has allowed people to publicly acknowledgethem.

Males--Having crossed age fifty, I’m not the man I used to be. I’m losingmuscle mass and my testosterone production is dropping, and has been for years.So what? That’s not news. But now it acceptable to acknowledge that fact both“in the locker room” and in public. “Erectile Dysfunction” or “ED” cures are astaple for advertising on any sporting event. There is also a correspondingincrease in access to enhancers. One need no longer order from the classifiedads at the back of a girly magazine or an Adam & Eve catalog. Accordingly,there is no longer a stigma attached to using a male enhancer.

Females--We’ve crossed a new sexual Rubicon. There are TV ads for female sexualenhancers that make “that moment” all the more momentous. The word “orgasm” maystill be taboo, but at least we can acknowledge that women can derive pleasurefrom sex. You don’t have to consult with the pharmacist (that’s a chemist forthose of you who speak with British or Australian accents). You can just pickup the box off the shelf at the corner drugstore and take it straight to thecheckout counter.

Toys--Toys have been available from time immemorial. However, it is nowacceptable to admit to their use, and to encourage others to try them.

· So what is “vanilla” today?

KC-- “Vanilla” is not so much a course of action as it is a state of mind.“Vanilla” is limiting oneself to primal, instinctual intercourse for thepurpose of propagation--up, in, out. The same description is used by a localcar mechanic’s shop, and is almost as exciting. As soon as one opens up to theendless possibilities of prolonging, enhancing, and varying sexual interactionwith a partner, “vanilla” falls by the wayside.

DP- Vanilla by definition is a softer (soft-core) erotic where description isleft to the readers' imagination. Vanilla allows you to live partially throughthe characters but leaves out the harder core text, visuals andimplications.

JUST some this and that opinions of Vanilla in the 21^stCentury

·     On this site are lists some of the terminologyused to differentiate erotic vs vanilla (http://www.loveromancepassion.com/sexy-romance-verus-erotica-romance/ )

About BDSM/vanilla
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM

·     DP- As an avid romance reader in the 1980's andup to the present, I have seen the dialogue and phrases change as societybecomes more acceptable of 'showing' sex. In the public eye, some forms of sexualrelations are permissible while others are still taboo (ex. bdsm, glbt) but the'old' vanilla style of erotic writing is now such a passe form that people aredemanding more (more sex, more encounters with bdsm, etc)- so in my opinion,gone are the days of sweet vanilla romance, the general public are looking formore aggressive sexual moments in literature

·     KC- Attitudes have changed substantially overthe last thirty years. When I was ten, circa 1969, I tried to buy Vampirella #1(see my photos) at a 7-11. The lady at the counter wouldn't sell that"filth" to a child. The clerk that came on after her did not shareher reservations.

DP- Prudes are alive and well now still butthe main focus is same sex relationships but contradicting that statement - samesex, glbt sales are number one across the board with all erotic rom pubs-explain how that is? Closet readers? The advance technology of nooks, kindlesthat offer anonymous purchases? Yes, I believe so. The ones scorning theloudest are probably the biggest readers.

KC- Undoubtedly, the fact that one does nothave to go into the back room at a news stand, or one of "those"stores to pick up erotica has helped substantially.

·      DP-Discretion is the key word here- I, myself, never read erotic until the lastfew years- unless you count VC Andrews in on that- incest? Yes... attractive tothe young girl's mind...absolutely. But she wrote the scenes in such a way thatpeople overlooked it- but now, incest is one of the 7 taboos (as I Like to callthem) that pubs refuse to even look at. So was VC Andrews onto something earlythat we are all now just realizing? Interesting argument- one that I did myEnglish/Literature thesis on for my college degree- raised some eyebrows in2004 with that one.

 Links- 

Ken Charles

    www.charliekenmore.blogspot.com
kencharles925@gmail.com
Earth Angel by my fanciful alter ego Charlie Kenmore:
http://www.amazon.com/Earth-Angel-ebook/dp/B005KMQAA2/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1315450669&sr=1-1

Seven Realms Earthside Communications Center

www.charliekenmore.blogspot.com

Dawne Prochilo

http://dawneprochilo.blogspot.com/

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dawne-Prochilo-Erotic-Romance-Author-Sex-Advice-Writer/111351808934539

Next weeks Chit Chat and All That! will see the wickedly devilish delights of Cassandre Dayne and Abby Hayes discuss the difference between Sex Play and Scene Play today.

Remember we always appreciate comments!

Shh...Naughty Nights Press has a MEGA secret...

Naughty Nights Press is letting you all in on a MEGA secret.

From Wednesday the 12th October until Wednesday the 26th October 2011, Naughty Nights Press will be offering 25% off Elizabeth Black’s mega novel,                         DON’T CALL ME BABY at Smashwords.

   

Now this is an event not to be missed!

So keep your eyes peeled for when Naughty Nights Press releases the code that you will need to be able to buy DON’T CALL ME BABY.

Synopsis

DON'T CALL ME 'BABY' is a fast-paced, quick-witted, sexy, novel about a young woman exploring her sexuality and the cultural morés she collides with on a daily basis.

It's 1983 in Maryland and Catherine Stone is sex on wheels. She plays the field the way men have done for aeons. Not content to strive for her MRS degree like so many young women her age, she seduces men of all stripes – married college professors, theatre students, virgins, complete strangers who intrigue her. She has already cost one man his job.

She asks herself lots of questions on her search to enjoy her sexuality. Why don't other women enjoy their sex as much as she does? Why do so many women and men look down on sexually free women, calling them sluts while sexually free men are called studs and Lotharios? She bucks at the double standards!  Catherine has made no commitment to any man. She's free to explore and she gladly does so. No man can tie her down and no woman's judgment will stop her from playing the field to her heart's content.

Does she meet her match in a new man who introduces her to sexual bliss she had never before experienced? When she tries multiple partners and bondage for the first time as a submissive, she believes she's found the sexual bliss she is looking for – and with a man who not only introduces her to the fineries in life but also cares about her like no man ever has before.

Don’t Call Me Baby by Elizabeth Black

Excerpt

Catherine Stone looked around the amusement park and rides but saw nothing unusual. It was the end of another hot and humid day in Maryland during the summer of 1983. The sun had set behind the trees, casting shadows across the park hiding the car she sat in to some extent. Catherine wished it were a bit darker outside, because she was in constant fear of getting caught, but it was a hot June evening, so that was too much to ask for. Besides, the possibility of getting caught thrilled her, made the encounter all the more exciting for her. Every horn blowing and car pulling in made her hair stand on end. Will this be the cop who pulls us over? Can we get away with me sucking him off here yet again?

She unzipped Brian's trousers, and slipped her hand inside. Reaching into his briefs, her fingers wrapped around his growing cock and it jumped at her touch. Brian is so predictable. All he ever wants is for me to suck his cock. Good thing I demand a good, expensive meal after these trysts, or I'd get nothing out of them. She pulled his cock out of his trousers, feeling the organ spread out in her palm.

“Oh, that feels good. I love it when you stroke me off.”

She stroked his shaft, gripping him harder as her hand reached the base. Every time she squeezed, his cock jumped in her hand. She liked the way it looked and felt in her hand. Purple with arousal and thick with veins, the well-formed head glistened with pre-cum. In her years since starting college she had enjoyed many different types of cocks and Brian's was especially hot because it was so big and he was uncircumcised. She liked the look of hard cocks. When they were hard they were so sensitive. A twist a little too far this way or that way could hurt, yet she knew from what past lovers had told her, the pain felt so good. She liked pulling Brian's cock too far; just to get a painful, yet aroused reaction out of him. Although she felt impatient, she relished the fact that she was a good lay. Her blowjob skills had improved greatly over the months, and she could also make Brian come very quickly with her hand jobs.

As she gently rolled back his foreskin and stroked his growing shaft, she cradled his balls in her other hand. She liked the way his cock grew to nearly twice its size, when all she did was brush her fingers against it. It felt hard yet sinewy, like a garden hose full of water. She enjoyed the effect she had on him, and she relished her power. Sex was a heady power surge, and Catherine could not get enough of it.

Brian's cock was big; longer and thicker than other cocks she had the pleasure of sucking and fucking. Plus, at his age of fifty-eight, he stayed harder for a longer time, and it took him much longer to come than men her own age of twenty-two. Catherine never faked orgasms. She liked sex so much that she had no trouble coming every time she fucked. When she didn't feel like coming, she simply said so. Faking an orgasm was something she never even considered doing.

Tonight was one night, however, that she wished Brian would hurry up, come, and get it over with. She hated their trysts at the park because she got little if anything out of them. She would much rather stay in a nice hotel and spend the evening fucking without feeling any pressure, but that was not to be this evening. She needed to be at Silver Spring College in the morning for her new summer job. So here she sat, sexually unsatisfied and feeling a bit used wondering when she was going to meet a man who could satisfy her insatiable sexual needs.

Little did she know that several men, including a father and son, would please her over the upcoming summer weeks, including one man who was her match.

“Yes, stroke it, Baby. Go slowly.”

“Don't call me 'Baby'.” She hated it when he called her 'baby'. It made her feel like she was his property. “Baby” was also what her father called her mother when he was trying to excuse his extramarital affairs. He'd say, “I'm sorry, Baby,” when all he was sorry for was getting caught, not the actual affairs themselves. Catherine wondered if she saw married men because of the way her father treated her mother. At least with a married man, he couldn't force her to be exclusive. She didn't have to make a commitment to a married man or get too emotionally invested. She was interested in the sex more than the relationship. Whenever Brian called her “Baby”, he reminded her of why she saw married men and that made her feel uncomfortable. She preferred to be called “Honey” which sounded more affectionate. She'd even accept “Hon”, which was a popular term of endearment in her native Baltimore but Brian was from New York. She hated “Baby” because it sounded so crude to her. Her roommate's obnoxious boyfriend called her “Baby” when he was lying to her, so the word left a bad taste in Catherine's mouth.

“Slow down. Don't pump at it like that.”

I'll pump it any way I want. What if a cop drives up? We certainly can't explain ourselves to a Man in Blue. She stroked his cock gently, moving her palm up and down his shaft. His cock jumped in her hand. Rubbing her thumb across his head and then giving him a gentle squeeze, she heard him moan. Jizz leaked out and dribbled on the head, and she spread it with her fingers as if it were lubricant for her moist and hot hand. She curled against his chest, and pressed her ear against his rib cage. His heart thundered in his chest, as it always did when she beat him off. He loved a good hand job, and she really didn't mind turning him on so much, because turning him on made her feel sexy. No other woman turned him on the way she did. Not even his wife. But impatience overtook her mood this evening, and she wanted to do other things, like eat. Her stomach growled. She was famished, and all she could think about was a good steak dinner at their favorite restaurant. After he comes, we'll go out for something to eat. And he's going to come soon; by the way his cock feels right now.

“Suck on it. I love it when you suck on it.”

Of course he loved it. She honed her technique on him, and being that she was alone with him in his Mercedes, she decided to pass the time by practicing a bit more. His wife wouldn't go down on him, so she made sure she was the best suck he ever had. And she was.

Links to Elizabeth Black

Naughty Nights Press Author Page

Web site/Blog 

Facebook 

Twitter 

Amazon Author Page 

Yahoo Group  

 Romance Wiki 

Ghosts, Haunted Houses & More!

It’s October! All things creepy and spooky are on the menu! Since I can remember, I’ve loved ghost stories, haunted houses, cemeteries, etc. I watched scary movies earlier than I should have - had a girlfriend whose older sister and mother loved them :) I could never sleep those nights, but I have such fond memories of time spent with Cindy, Kerry and their mother, Anna! I remember reading books about ghosts long before I was old enough too as well. Too bad there wasn’t (or at least I didn’t know about them) shows like Ghost Hunters and stuff. I would have been all over them too.

Now, I love to write ghost stories, and I find the fun in doing so is not just imaging the situation, but also in coming up with the descriptions to show the story to the reader. I want to pull them out of their current reality and make them feel the chill go down their spine like a thousand icy fingers tapping their way down their back. I want to engage all of their senses in the scene.

There was this empty house behind me where I grew up. It was quite a hike through the woods behind my house, but I made it often just to wonder through rooms. I used the house once, of course, as a setting in one of my very first ghost stories, written about four years ago about a house with an old witch’s curse, a house which was haunted by that same witch. Now, this is one of my first stories understand, but sharing a bit of the house description I though would be fun :)

Having come to the end of the trail, Rachael paused where the full green of the tree line gave way to an open expanse of land. The remains of a field, long unattended, rolled out before her until the sun-drenched colors of the land took on the blackness of shadow. From where she stood it seemed as if the long-abandoned house had burned the land with its mere presence. The symmetry of the two-story square made it appear intimidating, despite it's aged wood and cracking paint, as if the house was smirking at her in a domineering stance. The large fallen tree whose weight the house now sustained seemed an elaboration of contorted fingers grappling for possession of the sky itself. Dead twigs of brown held onto its foundation as if paying homage to their master.

Once she left the protection of the trees, the house, black with the soot of neglect, chilled her even as the sun burned her shoulders. This was how the house had greeted her for years. A few clouds rolled in muting the sun, the light-play of shadows giving the illusion of specters in the windows.

Alone with this house, Rachael always realized how far she had come from civilization; nonetheless, she still reveled in her solitude. She had left far behind the small waterfall in the woods just beyond her backyard that always enticed her to sit and the upward curve of the stream that always lured her up the hill. She stepped onto the creaking porch where steps must have once been.

She squeezed her body into the house beside the ancient heavy door with rusted hinges and walked into the living room as if she owned the place. The sun filtering through the filthy windows furthered the eerie feel of an aged room. It never ceased to amaze her how time took its toll. She started up the stairs with her hand on the wall never quite trusting the wobbly banister or the middle of the warped stairs. Her hand grazed over an upturned seam of the yellowing wallpaper right where an old red flower bled across it.

At the top turning to follow the curve of the railing, she was stunned to find the closest door shut. She had always found the doors open in all of the years she had been coming here. She shook off the idea that someone else had been in the house. Standing before the door, she gave a quick look behind her careful not to put any weight on the railing that was supposed to prevent you from falling onto the floor below. Her hand tensed as she touched the doorknob. The knob was loose, and she had to jiggle it a little to make it release the door from its frame. Conscious of the raised floorboard right at the doorway, she followed the door into the room.

Air pulled deep into her lungs to the point of pain. Stepping back on instinct, she forgot the raised floorboard and found herself falling backward.

When I went to write my story for the Wicked and Wanton All Hallow’s Eve Anthology with Naughty Nights Press, I searched through local ghost stories for inspiration this time. First, I looked back in my home town in Southern Ohio, knowing most of them, but was surprised and excited to have stumbled upon a few I didn’t. But, it was actually a ghost story in the town I live in now, with a haunted theater, that inspired my story, Midnight Showing for the anthology. It’s a bit different for me in that the ghost inspires a bit of a ménage action. So how many does that make? LOL Moral of the story, don’t tick of the ghost mourning the lost of her life and an old love in a theater by playing a scary movie. The sex scene might just be more than all parties involved can handle! LOL But, a ghost getting in on the action is nothing new  for my writing *giggles*. Alive, dead, why should they be left out of the fun?

Okay, so you want a taste of that man on woman with ghost action, right? Would love to share… back to that first ghost story, o set you up, the ghost of the witch is pushing Gabe and Rachael together (strangers before the house), even getting in on the action, while trying to prevent them from finding the hexed stone hidden in the house. Of course, a lot of this is explained in the old witch’s book they find earlier in the story, but let’s get to the good stuff here! Again, first adult ghost story here ;)

“I feel her too. Just hang in there and let her play.”

She forgot to breath as her inner walls clenched around Gabe’s

finger. It felt as if someone was running ice cubes along her thighs, her

pussy, and her lower stomach. Trying to concentrate only on Gabe’s

finger, she pushed against it drawing it further into her.

“Good girl.” He ignored the pain. “I just need to loosen the slate a

little more.”

Sparks started flying from the fire lighting the ceiling before

extinguishing themselves. The shriek began again, and fire leapt at them

fully as the piece of slate was pushed free.

“Are you burned?”

“No. You?”

“No. We have to give her more. Get up on your knees.”

She did, and Gabe let his cock replace his finger. He was ready to

explode into her until he felt the icy fingers run along his ass to his balls.

He pumped into Rachael anyway. As he crept his hand along the floor

to the hole in the hearth, the cold left him. He felt Rachael gasp again.

“Concentrate on my cock.”

“She is pushing against my clit.”

“Feel me.” He rammed into her faster hoping to get her closer to

orgasm. Trying to hold off his own, he reached into the hole someone

had obviously made in the hearth. His hands touched something smooth

as he felt Rachael begin to pant.

“Cum for me.” He pulled the golf ball sized object up to look at it

just as he felt her clenching around his cock in pleasure. With the fire

blazing, he saw a stone in his hand. It took only a few seconds to sink in.

Then, he hurled the stone at the window just as he let his seed go.

Glass shattered around them as their orgasms twisted within. With

a loud cry, the fire went out and the wind died. They could feel the

humid air of August fill the room again. Gabe pulled out still feeling the

pulses of his pleasure. He stood scooping up Rachael, then running for

the door. It opened easily, and he practically dropped her onto porch in

his hast. She caught herself on the railing. It creaked under her weight.

“Gabe, where are you going?” Her whole body shook. Cum was

spilling out of her down her leg. Her body still felt tiny shocks within it. She

was overly aware of the absence of his body as the heavy mist curled up

around her legs.

Is she gone? I don’t think so! They never are right? 

I'm very excited about the coming release of A Wicked and Wanton All Hallow’s Eve Anthology. Just so thrilled to be a part of it!  Come celebrate with us! http://naughtynightspress.blogspot.com/2011/09/come-celebrate-release-of-wicked-and.html

Kiki Howell

~where love is a mystical thing~

http://www.kikihowell.com
http://www.facebook.com/kikihowell
http://twitter.com/KikiHowell
http://authorsbyauthors.blogspot.com

October, A Busy Month for Naughty Nights Press

Well October is here and what a busy month this is going to be for the Naughty Nights Press family.

Our lineup for October is going to be filled with lots of information, book releases, giveaways, interviews, guest posters and off course our new weekly Chit Chat and All That! That sees authors discussing all sorts of delicious and wicked subjects.

The deliciously sexy and self confessed Mistress of Wicked writing, Cassandre Dayne, is releasing two new books on the 30th of October and we all know what that means…blog hopping and giveaways.

October 5th pop on over to Authors by Authors and read the interview she has with Kiki Howell about her two new releases, Raging Shadows, a BDSM/Halloween themed story and the first book in the Surrender Series. Red Fire - Surrender, is an Erotic Paranormal Suspense with M/F and M/M scenes, leave a comment at the end of the interview and please do not forget to leave your email address so as we can get in touch with you and let us know which book you would prefer to win.

October 6th will see Cassandre Dayne doing her naughty best to make sure her guest posting on Naughty Nights Press blog, keeps you tingling all over as usual.

October 7th sees Kiki Howell making her debut on Naughty Nights Press blog discussing all sorts of wicked topics that will make you go weak at the knees. This will be a monthly occurrence for Kiki and I am sure you will all be eager to see what she has to say.

October 10th on Chit Chat and All That!, we have Dawne Prochilo and Ken Charles discussing Vanilla Sex in the 21st Century. How better to start the work week off then by reading something sexy and interesting.

October 11th and 12th will be a special two day event with Cassandre Dayne who again will be discussing her two new releases with Naughty Nights Press, Raging Shadows and Red Fire - Surrender and her first book released with NNP, Spankdown. Again one lucky who leaves a comment at the end of the interview and leaves their email address, will have a chance to win a copy of either Raging Shadows or Red - Fire Surrender.

October 17th on Chit Chat and All That!, Cassandre Dayne and Abby Hayes discuss the difference between Sex Play and Scene Play. Hope everyone takes notes for some good bedroom fun to try out during the week.

October 18th we will be seeing the first of the monthly guest posts by the alluring Abby Hayes. Abby will be talking about a variety of topics each month that will make you want more.

October 19th and 20th we get to speak to the sexy body of male flesh, Nathanial Bosch about what he has been doing since The Cabin was first released by NNP in July 2011. Giveaway day again, leave your email address with a comment and you could win yourself a copy of the thigh trembling, BDSM book, The Cabin.

October 24th catch Cassandre Dayne on Lindsay’s Scribblings talking about Raging Shadows and

Red Fire - Surrender. Don’t miss out on your chance to win a copy of one of these two books and remember, you have to leave your email address and what book you would like for your own.

October 24th Chit Chat and All That! will be taken over today by BL Morticia, Julez S. Morbius and Pablo Michaels. These three extraordinary Authors will be chatting about GLBT and relationships. Are they any different to a Hetro relationship? Gender Identities in the workplace and do you need to hide them.

October 25th to October 31st will be our week long celebration of the release of A Wicked and Wanton All Hallows Eve anthology, due out on the 30th October. Just in time to read for Halloween, allowing you think about all the things that go Bump!, in the night. An incredible line up of Authors has contributed to this anthology. We have as follows:

·         A Midnight Showing by Kiki Howell

·         Inamorate  by Kim Faulks

·         Haunted Party by Abby Hayes

·         I Dream of Dalian by BL Morticia

·         Welcome To The Inferno by Ana Hart

·         Cassandra by Gemma Parkes

·         Triage by Sarah Bella

·         Experiment IV by Canth? Decided

There will be a giveaway during the week with more details to come.

October 28th Naughty Nights Press joins 100 other bloggers in the 100 Halloween Blog Hop. That is over 100 chances to win e-books and other great prizes. A truly awesome event, you won’t want to miss. More details on how to follow the Halloween Blog Hop to come.

So there we have everyone, our very busy and exciting October Calendar of Events.

We look forward to seeing everyone on the Naughty Nights Press blog and remember to have a Wicked and Wanton All Hallows Eve.

BDSM AND A STRONG MAN TAKEN IN HAND:THE ART OF BEING A DOMME by Cassandre Dayne

The art and practice of domination comes in many forms and I’ve spent time penning many articles that discuss the D/s lifestyle in which the man was the clear dominator in the relationship. Perhaps that’s because I consider myself to be more of the submissive in the concept of a D/s situation or perhaps it’s simply what I tend to write about more often in my books. However I’m venturing out and stretching many limits in writing Erotic romance to pieces some would consider more fetish based. You have to be careful in writing something very kinky as many readers who’s relationships and lifestyles are based on what the traditional society would consider vanilla would shy away from reading a piece out of their comfort zone but I think the majority of people know there are kinky fetishes out there and are curious.

I think when you’re talking about a D/s in which the Dom is a Domme then you have another aspects of hiding behind the glass curtain. Why? Perhaps because we see the man in a relationship more as the controlling or man in charge kind of situation. This is based on several aspects including the majority of us have grown up in a family where the father is the traditional bread winner and society continues to place pressures on the man to be in commanding and in charge of his family by earning a decent living and providing. Granted times are changing with the onslaught of non-traditional families but it’s slow in coming. I also believe many men and women see a submissive man as a homosexual and that’s not the case so many times. A lot of them are in traditional marriages and simply enjoy a woman being in charge.

In talking with a few guy friends of mine who are honest enough to tell me they’d love to enter into a relationship with a woman where she’s the Domme, there’s still a stigma. They are certainly the he-man types in every day living and are concerned if their friends and family gathered they had and inkling about longing for this kind of relationship they’d be labeled a freak. So they either never engage in their true desires or only enjoy random sexual activities with female friends they can really trust. There are clubs you can join that will allow men – or women for that matter – to engage in practices of submission that’s completely safe and very private.

Still for many men who hunger to be themselves in every day life sharing their deep desires in a long term relationship this can be frustrating. I’ve been honored by a couple very special friends who’ve told me they trust me enough to not only tell me every fantasy but would love for me to be a part of their life being their Domme. I’ve spent time asking why do they think they crave the relationship. For many they’ve always known they hunger for a strong woman to take charge and for others it’s a product of living their every life as this strong male and longing to finally give up the pressures of control. What I’m saying is there is no single reason.

Obviously the practice of femdom challenges the dominant paradigm of masculinity as being inherently dominant and is a subject of highly debated topics among feminist women and dominant men which is another reason the practice is often done in secret. So what does the practice entail? Just like with any BDSM relationship each one is completely different. If men are lucky enough to live the lifestyle they may engage is something as simple as being the submissive in the bedroom to entering into a contract with their Domme and all the other BDSM aspects apply.

What are some methods of femdom practice? Everything from the use of orgasm denial, cock and ball torture (including cock rings etc to keep the cock hard at all times for use by the Domme) to forced chastity and cunnilingus to foot worship and spanking. In more several practices dipping genitals in hot wax is used. For the men I’ve talked to they have a particular desire and aren’t into the extremes with use of wax etc. But many men do enjoy a cock ring and a prostate stimulator a dildo and find both a very pleasurable experience. But most of these men long for one thing and the practice is very difficult for many to admit. Even some completely straight men crave to have a woman slap on a strap on. Remember that as I’ve talked about before you have to have TRUST in any BDSM relationship – complete honesty and trust so this isn’t about forcing a man to do anything. This is a shared passion involving a lifestyle and a negotiation process between two individuals.

Using a strap one is something called pegging and for many Domme’s this is the ultimate method of controlling their sub. Given the term by psychologist Dan Savage, this is sometimes the culmination of complete submission and highly coveted. Of course this is also used in lesbian relationships whether the couple engages in BDSM or not. Strapon’s are nothing new and many men crave simply to have their prostate’s stroked – while I’m not a man I’ve heard this is something men absolutely find stimulating and it aids in keeping his cock hard or milking as it’s been termed. Many hetero couples engage and enjoy the pleasures of experimenting and I think it aids in bringing two people closer together.

As you can imagine for a woman this level of complete control over taking a man in the ass has more of an emotional pull than physical but the need is very strong in many dominating women and they enjoy giving what some consider to be the ultimate pleasure to their mate. It this lifestyle for everyone? Of course not, but if you’re in a solid and loving relationship this can add many flavors to your sex life. If you’re curious as always there are many places you can find additional information and talk with forums and groups that are very private and no one has to know. Ordering strapon’s and prostate dildos is also easier than ever – and just an Internet click away.


I hope you enjoyed…

Kisses xxx
Cassandre


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Email: cassandre@cassandredayne.com
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Chit Chat and All That! with Raymond Frazee and Tessa Wanton

Well now, welcome to our inaugural  Chit Chat and All That! post, with 

Raymond Frazee 

and 

Tessa Wanton.

Raymond and Tessa will be chatting today about how do you introduce someone to a D/s lifestyle when either or both have no experience. and what is the best way to entice your partner to try something different in the bedroom.

 While you might not see this as a big deal, it is a question that has come up from time to time: when the time comes to push your bedroom and/or lifestyle experience beyond the point of vanilla, how do you introduce BDSM to someone who has no real experience?

I’ve been there; you’ve been there—okay, maybe you haven’t been there, but I have.  I’ve had those feelings well up, the ones that are whispering, “Yes, I want to see (insert name of person) on their knees so I can (insert name of what you’ve got in mind).”  And if you’re already an experienced dominant or submissive you know the drill, you know the positions, you know what is coming.

It’s when you’re with someone who’s never been there that you start wondering how to breach the question, “Sweetie, instead of just climbing into bed tonight and doing it, would you be interested in latex stockings and a vibrating butt plug?”

So, after exhaustive research (aka, chatting on the Internet), what conclusions have the Lovely Tessa and myself come to in regards to introducing BDSM to a virginal bedroom?

It’s really somewhat easier than you might think.

You’re sweet Raymond – Lovely Tessa – you’re distracting me from the topic in hand... First up!!!!

You gotta have communications.

This is important in every relationship, but if you’re going to start trying things with your partner that either you or they or neither have tried before, then ya gotta talk about it!  If you’re going to bring something new into your lives, then having a frank and detailed discussion about what you have in mind should be first up on the agenda.

Face it: so much of what happens in any relationship gets screwed by not talking.  So if your everyday Missionary Position-style relationship is dangling over the abyss of demise because you can’t discuss the reasons why getting to orgasm isn’t as much fun these days, you’re going to have a hell of a time bringing up something like a good spanking.

You gotta talk, and be open about it.  And maybe the talk isn’t the “I would love for you to stand naked in the kitchen with your arms and legs bound while I rub EVOO all over your body,” one you were thinking about when you woke up—maybe it’s more along the lines of “I would love to kneel down and kiss your feet when I come home from work every day” discussion you’ve considering for weeks.  You gotta open up.  You’re never gonna get to Paradise if you won’t talk with someone about that trip.

And we’re definitely not saying that it is easy, are we? I know myself that introducing kink can be near impossible. Sometimes you have to face facts that your partner may just be 100% Vanilla. Is that a bad thing? Not really, in my case it means I have to take precautions like hiding in another room whilst my Fiancé is reading my manuscripts for fear of seeing horror on his face. *Laughs*  That segues so beautifully into...

Second, you gotta keep an open mind.

I have a friend.  We chat a lot online, and a lot of likes and dislikes have gone back and forth during our conversations.  In the course of our discussin’, things have come up, and some of the things that have come up are BDSM and dominant/submissive relationships.

Now, this person has zero exposure to any of this stuff we’re talkin’ here, so to even to go there I’ve already put my foot in the First Step pool. And hey: she’s receptive.  Said reception might derive from curiosity, but she’s listening.  And not only is she listening, but she’s responding in her own way.

For our discussion to work she needs to keep her mind open and not run screaming from the room the moment I bring up something that might normally set off a person’s freako alarm.  And, by the same token, I have to listen to her and remember that (1) some of the stuff I tell her isn’t going to resonate with her, and (2) she might have her own ideas about what makes her groove work.

And we have gotten there.  We had a discussion about fetish clothing where she was very clear about the environments where said outfits would work and where they wouldn’t, and since I’m not this enormous type jerk who plays by “My Way or the Highway” rules, I not only agreed that her feelings and comfort levels were important, but I liked a number of her ideas because they touched something in me.

We both know that our ideas wouldn’t work for everyone—but they would work for us.  Given the chance we’d go there in a flash, and because we’ve already established this openness we know that, in the future, we’ll be able to discuss anything that comes to mind.

And if you can discuss it, then you can act upon it.

Hear hear – it’s that communication thing again isn’t it? Discuss, open mind, but there’s something else. Talking and thinking ‘Ooh yes, I quite fancy that’ isn’t enough, there’s a huge elephant in the room and well, Raymond – it’s over to you!

Third, you gotta trust that other person.

Again, in any relationship, trust is a huge part of the deal.  In a vanilla relationship you want to know that the person you’ve decided to share your life with isn’t going to do crazy shit day in and out.  You want to know that they aren’t going to gamble away the house payment on their lunch hour; that they aren’t having sex with the neighbour when you’re out getting the groceries; that they aren’t going to turn into some rageaholic asshole who’s coming at you with a pair of scissors every time dinner isn’t on the table at 5:00 PM.

And you also want to know that if you ever do get to the point where they’ve got you tied up and gagged, they aren’t going to grab a X-Acto knife and carve “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” into your body.

Not having trust in any relationship sucks, but if you are trying to move into a BDSM lifestyle if you can’t trust someone you’re going to crash and burn even faster than normal.  And we don’t even need equate trust to a “My partner isn’t going to scoop out my eyes when I’m helpless” level: no, it can be something much simpler . . ..

You like anal.  No, wait: you love it.  You anticipate the entry; you relish the feeling of fullness; you desire your lover to either be inside you or have them enjoy placing something there, knowing good and well that you’ll spend the day obsessing over the sensual expression radiating from that part of your body. You share this idea with them; they listen and decide to go there with you.  And in the end it’s all good: you’re both fulfilled and decide to do it more in the future.

*Fans self* sorry – are we talking about trust here? My mind wandered somewhat then...

This means you have to know you can trust them.  You have to know that they aren’t going to come up behind you and start shoving things up your ass because they think that’s going to get you off.  Sure, maybe once in a while being taken like that will give you a huge rush, but “anal eroticism” does not always equal “bent over a coffee table and having one’s ass roughly penetrated”.

It’s not just physical trust you require.  Do you really need to worry that you and your significant other will be out with another couple some night—one that maybe doesn’t get into things the way you do—and suddenly your SO tells the other couple that not only do you love taking it in the ass, but right now you’re wearing a vibrating butt plug, and, hey: you wanna see how it works?

Not only is that assholery to the nth degree, but that relationship is screwed.  Perhaps you’ll stay together: perhaps you won’t.  Either way you’ve died a little inside, and trust for anything else is going to be hell to achieve in the future.

I’ve been on the bad end of the “I need trust” equation.  There have been things I’ve wanted to try; I was able to go there . . . and my then significant other turned it back on me and twisted it into something sick.  That part of me died for a very long time—25 years long enough?  It’s only been lately that I could go there again, and only because I have discussed this with someone who was willing to talk, who had an open mind . . . and whom I trust more than you can imagine.

It struck me through talking to you that even though you’re a strong personality, a strong character, it just goes to show that a simple act of betraying someone’s trust can have deeper rooted effects than initially obvious. All of what we talked about works in normal Vanilla relationships too – it’s not just BDSM where communication, an open mind and absolute trust are the answer to living happily.

It all sounds complicated, doesn’t it?  Sure.  But what relationship isn’t?  Like with everything between two consenting adults, you gotta bring it out, you gotta listen, and you gotta make sure when things do happen, one of you isn’t going to beat it down.

Okay, you have the keys.  Now go forth and enjoy ‘cause life is too damn short to miss out on a good spanking.

And if all else fails, you can always live out your fantasies in our books! Thanks for popping by – all our love Raymond Frazee and Tessa Wanton xxx

Links to Raymond and Tessa.

Raymond Frazee

Blog:  http://wideawakebutdreaming.wordpress.com/

Twitter: http://twitter.com/RAFrazee/

Tessa Wanton

Blog: http://tessawanton.blogspot.com/

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/DesireDarkly

Thank you to Raymond and Tessa for being the first of the Naughty Nights Press Authors and Family to take part in Chit Chat and All That!.

Next week we will be having Dawne Prochilo and Ken Charles chatting about what Vanilla sex means in the 21st Century.

So until then we wish you all a wicked and naughty week!