Christmas comes but once a year but
Chit Chat and All That! comes every Monday morning like clockwork. So okay this clock is a little late today but hey I'm pleading a bit of over imbibing and celebrating for my tardiness today.
So regardless of the time, grab a glass of bubbly, raise it high and say with me,
"Happy Safe Holiday Everyone" and now please put your hands together and welcome to Chit Chat and All That! Ms Dawne Prochilo the tantalizer of tease and
Ms Tessa Wanton, the diva of decadent delights as they present for your reading pleasure today...
The Naughty Nights Press Christmas Lecture.
The Naughty Nights Press Christmas Lecture
Presenters – Dawne Prochillo and Tessa Wanton
Mental BDSM vs Physical BDSM
Dawne walks into the auditorium, striding confidently down the
aisle to the stage, shuffles some papers on the lectern and surveys the amassed
audience. Tessa follows quickly, gliding through the audience, spots some
friends she knows and waves enthusiastically. “Hey!!! Hey!!! YES! Dawne and I
are doing one of these Christmas Lectures – you know, like they do at the Royal
Institute in London every year? Ohhhhh no – not by Royal Appointment this
lecture *laughs* can you imagine? Though, if the Royal family would like any
tips, I’m happy to oblige...” Looking around thoughtfully, she spots a table of
particularly handsome attendees, Tessa turns imploringly to Dawne who shakes
her head in resignation and nods with a half sigh. A huge smile lights up
Tessa’s face and she practically runs straight over to the table which seats
Julez S Morbius, Raymond Frazee, Chrystian Marrero, Benjamin Russell, Ray
Sostre and Daddy Xmas. Trying to decide the best place to sit, Tessa smiles
coquettishly at Benjamin and sits on his lap, blushing.
Dawne clears her throat and the crowd quietens down – “I suppose
I’d better start – Tessa, are you ok down there?”. “Oh yes Dawne – I think I
most *definitely* have the best seat in the house, is it ok if I do my bit from
here? It’ll be good for opinions too!” Dawne suspects this is probably an
horrific excuse to remain seated amongst the most eligible men in the literary
world, but, it probably wouldn’t do any harm. Gesturing for a microphone to be
handed to her, Dawne starts the lecture.
“So let’s begin. The first point to consider is how do you know
if the submissive is strong enough to be involved mentally? – Tessa, what would
you say?”
“Whew what a
question?!!! I wonder how anyone knows how strong they are mentally? I mean,
that's traditionally what the role of the Dom should be isn't it? Testing,
assessing, observing, if anyone should know, then an experienced Dom should be
able to tell if a sub is ready. But then, there are many different types of
play. Some people purely practice D/s for the physical release, others? For the
mental connection, that all consuming involvement in anothers’ every thought.
In my mind, D/s can only ever be fulfilling when that connection is there,
without the connection, how can there be complete trust and respect? Also, the
Dominant parties have a lot to learn too, they aren't psychic, they have to
already have an idea of how much their sub can take... And then find the limits
to push.
If the play is purely physical and perhaps even a one.off, can it even be
called D/s in anything but name only? For example if I partook in a ‘scene’
with these lovely boys here, would it be a true D/s relationship?” Tracing a
line across Benjamin’s chest she moves from his lap and kneels in front of the
table of handsome wordsmiths, holding out her wrists. Looking up through
eyelashes and smiling coyly “anyone want to test that theory?”
“Enough teasing the
poor boys Tessa, I think it’s best if you join me on the stage before you cause
chaos” Dawne chastised. Pretending to sulk, Tessa winks at the table of men and
skips lightly to take her place at the lectern.
Leaning against the
wooden stand she continued “This topic has so many different connotations – as
we’ve just discussed, there’s the mental side of BDSM of being prepared,
understanding what each member of the relationship wants, and crucially,
whether they are ready to experience such intense emotions – and can they
handle the consequences. Further to this, can a BDSM relationship exist or be
fulfilling where sexual contact is limited – in fact isn’t BDSM essentially a
mental construct to define and enhance sexual play? The internet is such a
pervasive part of every day life, and there are many who only participate in
D/s relationships over the internet. Are their experiences any less valid or
meaningful for never having met? I would say not. Indeed physical contact can
provide different experiences, but trust, respect, understanding... these are
what define a BDSM relationship, not the amount of bruises and pain you
suffer.”
“A Dominant person
controls their submissive through tasks, reward or punishment. This doesn’t
necessarily have to be done in person – in fact it’s a much more potent display
of trust to be completed apart and indeed at a distance. It could be so easy
for the submissive to ‘say’ they have completed the tasks, whereas really they
haven’t. What’s more, the reward or punishment could easily be ignored. In
which case where is the interaction, the play, the fun, the trust – the
relationship? So if all the tasks and rewards and punishments are carried out
with trust and respect observed... How is this different to a physical
interaction? Of course this is a completely subjective topic – and it is this
which we pose now. This lecture is designed to make you think – to question
your thoughts and pre-conceptions.”
Catching Tessa winking at one of the men...Dawne glares at her. Tessa
giggles and ignores the look as she continues to flirt. Dawne addresses the
audience “Shall I continue?....BDSM can be intensely sensual, but it
doesn't have to be intensely sexual. To say that sex never occurs in BDSM is a
lie. It's just that it doesn't have to. Many people have wonderful, leave you
limp, experiences without any sexual contact at all. Also, being in the scene
doesn't mean you're going to get laid.”
“Submissives/bottoms/slaves don't come pre-packaged from the BDSM
factory. If you are new and unattached, politeness and courtesy will go a long
way towards getting that play date. Behaviour, respect and being responsible
are key in the BDSM relationship.”
“How long does the
Master/Slave scenario go on for...Let's see... While people can
assume roles for the duration of a scene and then come out of those roles after
ward, remember that while they are in that scene the role is real, others stay
in their role all the time and their relationship is very real and should be
respected. One more thing on this, if someone is in a more formal role, scene
etiquette says you must respect that. If you want to talk to the sub, you
should speak to the Dom first; get permission. If someone is wearing a collar,
they are NOT
community property, someone put that collar on them and that is who you seek
out. To assume that it's all play acting will most likely get you a ticket to
the door.”
Finally paying attention the
lecture in hand Tessa interjects “Well said Dawne! Sometimes the mental and the
physical come together – and well that’s a WHOLE new discussion, which perhaps
we should lecture on another day? This public speaking thing is a hoot isn’t
it?”
“Well, we hope you have enjoyed
our mini Christmas lecture, and now – we would like to throw the microphone out
to you, our lovely audience. We want to hear your thoughts, we want you to ask
us anything! *asides to the boys table* oh... and we mean absolutely anything... But ultimately, what does the mental side of
BDSM mean to you?”
Dawne and Tessa *Christmas
Kisses*
Thank you Dawne and Tessa for being here with us today. We would also like to say thank you to Julez S Morbius,
Raymond Frazee, Chrystian Marrero, Benjamin Russell, Ray Sostre and Daddy Xmas for attending today's festivities and keeping Tessa under control *wink*
Next week on Chit Chat and All That! we welcome the new year in with Raymond Frazee and Abby Hayes as they discuss Fetishes - What they like or don't like and what they would like to try in real life...or with their writing.
Also don't forget that tomorrow we announce the Naughty winner of Doing The Naughty List, Twice.
If you are an author or publisher and want to be involved in NNP's first ever Blog Hop, sign up for it here? But more importantly, put these dates on your calendar January 13th - 15th. More details tomorrow on what is up for grabs from Naughty Nights Press.
