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Thursday, January 12, 2012

WRITING ABOUT TABOOS


CASSANDRE DAYNE

Just what taboos are left in our society? That’s a good question and I think it depends on who you ask as to the answer you’ll receive. For some a taboo might be even fantasizing about another lover while for others it’s the act of engaging in a tryst outside of our relationship. When I determined to write erotic fiction initially my writing style was probably what I’d call a fantasy based style. You know – you want to try something a little out of your comfort zone like a ménage or perhaps having sex in a restaurant or in the back seat of a car like we used

to as kids.

Then I started adding other aspects into the writing including some phases of BDSM and of course to make the stories and situations believable I spent time researching several aspects. When I was doing my research I happened upon several blogs that included different levels of spanking, being a sub or a Dom

with the thought process of living the lifestyle versus playing it (for the lack of a better word). One thing that kept coming up in my research was Domestic Discipline and so I read several blogs mostly written by women who had either just started in the practice or had been in the situation with their husband or significant other for years.

It was fascinating to be when I read the different blogs from different countries that women (and some men too) crave going back to what appears to be a more biblical time. Domestic Discipline is nothing new. Aspects are based in Christianity and if you Google you’ll find the words Domestic Discipline side by side with some Christian organizations. Now the practice doesn’t just involve spanking as always method of discipline as there are other aspects including the removal of certain rights – like watching television or use of the Internet but spanking is usually the traditional method and in reading the pieces from these ladies – they are much happier not

only with themselves but in their relationships as well. I became more and more fascinated because there are organizations that insist more couples are getting back into this type of lifestyle. I still think it’s a taboo situation to write simply because so many women want to feel empowered and I think for some the practice brings even some anger.

So I decided not too long ago to take a spin at writing a piece to see how it went over. This is as much I think a taboo as wanting or craving to be a sub or to have group sex. It’s also a fantasy for many couples and every time I post something about the DD lifestyle I hear many comments. What I found interesting lately is that there are many people who didn’t know this existed and so they ask the question about what it is. Explaining the situation to them is very interesting to see their reactions.

You might ask the question - how can that be a true fantasy but for some women and even some men it simply is. Some people crave the knowledge and understanding of what some call the old style of living. Meaning – discipline isn’t a new subject and in truth for years children were taken in hand and spanked. I know I was as a child when I was really bad but now a days, dear God you spank your kid for misbehaving and you’re going to be put in jail potentially. That’s just wrong. There’s no amount of telling kids you can’t watch this television show or have your iPod back until your grades improve that are going to make anything any better. A series of swats along the backside just might do it.

Is domestic discipline any different? Now really except that adults tend to truly understand what the ramifications of acting out are. They readily except almost in a contract type situation that if they don’t follow the rules there will be consequences and even some have been known to misbehave on purpose because they crave the release a solid spanking can give them. I’m not religious but I equate this to being Catholic and confessing your sins. After you tell the Priest everything you did wrong from eating too many calories to thinking lurid thoughts you feel better somehow.

In the majority of DD situations rules are laid out and a practice is set in motion. For many this means that maintenance spankings will be given. And of course these are set for a period of time. Before you ask everything from the hand to belts are used and this isn’t about being a sadist but about talking and learning and loving. I’ve also heard for those who are involved feel such a sense of love and pride that their relationship is very strong.

I think for a lot of these situations it’s the anticipation of what’s going to happen that is also a turn on in certain ways. I’ve read on these blogs that many couples find their sex lives so much better than what they had before because the tension level is different or absent altogether. That leads to something shared. What I’ve learned is that in these situations its often the woman who is asking to enter into this lifestyle. They are concerned about their relationships and trying to figure out what to do. They’ve either read or heard from a friend that this is something that works and they begin reading about it. There’s plenty out there if you’re curious. But I guess you have to ask the question – what’s so wrong with this is everything else doesn’t work? What’s wrong with being closer in some ways? I don’t know. It’s tough for us to think about but it’s out there like other unconventional relationships.

In my piece our heroine asks her husband to consider because they’ve tried everything else including counseling. He of course is shocked – and a lot of men are – and yet curious. This isn’t something you just jump into like BDSM isn’t. I think if you consider you really have to read and understand what’s going to happen and I’ve read many couples are still learning and changing and sometimes uncomfortable about the lifestyle. Many refuse to tell friends or family for obvious reasons.

Of course the lifestyle isn’t for everyone and for those even thinking about doing something like this you really need to talk to each other and figure out how you want to handle it. Sometimes this gets to be more of a HOH or Head of Household situation in which usually the man then handles everything from finances to decisions made about pretty much everything but often DD is something else.

Along with the taboo situation of course it’s a bit tarnished. I don’t know too many people who would openly admit to another they want to engage in something like this. Can you imagine telling your best girlfriend that you want your husband to spank you on a regular basis? From doing research though I can tell you its more common than you realize. Maybe it’s based on the need to get back to stronger family units. Divorce continues to skyrocket and couples are really looking for a way to become closer.

I write a lot about passion and romance but so many couples lose track of what matters to them. That’s really sad. Is this the answer for everyone? Of course not but it is a viable method of achieving what we all want to have in our homes – harmony. Would I do it? I don’t know. But it’s fascinating to learn about what alternative methods of love and lust and families and relationships are out there. I hope this has given you some food for thought.

I’ll be penning my piece Anticipation soon and I’ll be very curious to hear what people have to say.

Kisses xxx

Cassandre

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