Chit Chat and All That! with Dawne Prochilo and Tessa Wanton...Mental BDSM v's Physical BDSM

Christmas comes but once a year but Chit Chat and All That! comes every Monday morning like clockwork. So okay this clock is a little late today but hey I'm pleading a bit of over imbibing and celebrating for my tardiness today.

So regardless of the time, grab a glass of bubbly, raise it high and say with me, "Happy Safe Holiday Everyone" and now please put your hands together and welcome to Chit Chat and All That! Ms Dawne Prochilo the tantalizer of tease and Ms Tessa Wanton, the diva of decadent delights as they present for your reading pleasure today...The Naughty Nights Press Christmas Lecture.

The Naughty Nights Press Christmas Lecture

Presenters – Dawne Prochillo and Tessa Wanton

Mental BDSM vs Physical BDSM

Dawne walks into the auditorium, striding confidently down the aisle to the stage, shuffles some papers on the lectern and surveys the amassed audience. Tessa follows quickly, gliding through the audience, spots some friends she knows and waves enthusiastically. “Hey!!! Hey!!! YES! Dawne and I are doing one of these Christmas Lectures – you know, like they do at the Royal Institute in London every year? Ohhhhh no – not by Royal Appointment this lecture *laughs* can you imagine? Though, if the Royal family would like any tips, I’m happy to oblige...” Looking around thoughtfully, she spots a table of particularly handsome attendees, Tessa turns imploringly to Dawne who shakes her head in resignation and nods with a half sigh. A huge smile lights up Tessa’s face and she practically runs straight over to the table which seats Julez S Morbius, Raymond Frazee, Chrystian Marrero, Benjamin Russell, Ray Sostre and Daddy Xmas. Trying to decide the best place to sit, Tessa smiles coquettishly at Benjamin and sits on his lap, blushing.

Dawne clears her throat and the crowd quietens down – “I suppose I’d better start – Tessa, are you ok down there?”. “Oh yes Dawne – I think I most *definitely* have the best seat in the house, is it ok if I do my bit from here? It’ll be good for opinions too!” Dawne suspects this is probably an horrific excuse to remain seated amongst the most eligible men in the literary world, but, it probably wouldn’t do any harm. Gesturing for a microphone to be handed to her, Dawne starts the lecture.

“So let’s begin. The first point to consider is how do you know if the submissive is strong enough to be involved mentally? – Tessa, what would you say?”

“Whew what a question?!!! I wonder how anyone knows how strong they are mentally? I mean, that's traditionally what the role of the Dom should be isn't it? Testing, assessing, observing, if anyone should know, then an experienced Dom should be able to tell if a sub is ready. But then, there are many different types of play. Some people purely practice D/s for the physical release, others? For the mental connection, that all consuming involvement in anothers’ every thought. In my mind, D/s can only ever be fulfilling when that connection is there, without the connection, how can there be complete trust and respect? Also, the Dominant parties have a lot to learn too, they aren't psychic, they have to already have an idea of how much their sub can take... And then find the limits to push.

If the play is purely physical and perhaps even a one.off, can it even be called D/s in anything but name only? For example if I partook in a ‘scene’ with these lovely boys here, would it be a true D/s relationship?” Tracing a line across Benjamin’s chest she moves from his lap and kneels in front of the table of handsome wordsmiths, holding out her wrists. Looking up through eyelashes and smiling coyly “anyone want to test that theory?”

“Enough teasing the poor boys Tessa, I think it’s best if you join me on the stage before you cause chaos” Dawne chastised. Pretending to sulk, Tessa winks at the table of men and skips lightly to take her place at the lectern.

Leaning against the wooden stand she continued “This topic has so many different connotations – as we’ve just discussed, there’s the mental side of BDSM of being prepared, understanding what each member of the relationship wants, and crucially, whether they are ready to experience such intense emotions – and can they handle the consequences. Further to this, can a BDSM relationship exist or be fulfilling where sexual contact is limited – in fact isn’t BDSM essentially a mental construct to define and enhance sexual play? The internet is such a pervasive part of every day life, and there are many who only participate in D/s relationships over the internet. Are their experiences any less valid or meaningful for never having met? I would say not. Indeed physical contact can provide different experiences, but trust, respect, understanding... these are what define a BDSM relationship, not the amount of bruises and pain you suffer.”

“A Dominant person controls their submissive through tasks, reward or punishment. This doesn’t necessarily have to be done in person – in fact it’s a much more potent display of trust to be completed apart and indeed at a distance. It could be so easy for the submissive to ‘say’ they have completed the tasks, whereas really they haven’t. What’s more, the reward or punishment could easily be ignored. In which case where is the interaction, the play, the fun, the trust – the relationship? So if all the tasks and rewards and punishments are carried out with trust and respect observed... How is this different to a physical interaction? Of course this is a completely subjective topic – and it is this which we pose now. This lecture is designed to make you think – to question your thoughts and pre-conceptions.”

Catching Tessa winking at one of the men...Dawne glares at her. Tessa giggles and ignores the look as she continues to flirt. Dawne addresses the audience “Shall I continue?....BDSM can be intensely sensual, but it doesn't have to be intensely sexual. To say that sex never occurs in BDSM is a lie. It's just that it doesn't have to. Many people have wonderful, leave you limp, experiences without any sexual contact at all. Also, being in the scene doesn't mean you're going to get laid.”

“Submissives/bottoms/slaves don't come pre-packaged from the BDSM factory. If you are new and unattached, politeness and courtesy will go a long way towards getting that play date. Behaviour, respect and being responsible are key in the BDSM relationship.”

“How long does the Master/Slave scenario go on for...Let's see... While people can assume roles for the duration of a scene and then come out of those roles after ward, remember that while they are in that scene the role is real, others stay in their role all the time and their relationship is very real and should be respected. One more thing on this, if someone is in a more formal role, scene etiquette says you must respect that. If you want to talk to the sub, you should speak to the Dom first; get permission. If someone is wearing a collar, they are NOT community property, someone put that collar on them and that is who you seek out. To assume that it's all play acting will most likely get you a ticket to the door.”

Finally paying attention the lecture in hand Tessa interjects “Well said Dawne! Sometimes the mental and the physical come together – and well that’s a WHOLE new discussion, which perhaps we should lecture on another day? This public speaking thing is a hoot isn’t it?”

“Well, we hope you have enjoyed our mini Christmas lecture, and now – we would like to throw the microphone out to you, our lovely audience. We want to hear your thoughts, we want you to ask us anything! *asides to the boys table* oh... and we mean absolutely anything... But ultimately, what does the mental side of BDSM mean to you?”

Dawne and Tessa *Christmas Kisses*

Thank you Dawne and Tessa for being here with us today. We would also like to say thank you to Julez S Morbius, Raymond Frazee, Chrystian Marrero, Benjamin Russell, Ray Sostre and Daddy Xmas  for attending today's festivities and keeping Tessa under control *wink*

Next week on Chit Chat and All That! we welcome the new year in with Raymond Frazee and Abby Hayes as they discuss Fetishes - What they like or don't like and what they would like to try in real life...or with their writing.

Also don't forget that tomorrow we announce the Naughty winner of Doing The Naughty List, Twice.

If you are an author or publisher and want to be involved in NNP's first ever Blog Hop, sign up for it here? But more importantly, put these dates on your calendar January 13th - 15th. More details tomorrow on what is up for grabs from Naughty Nights Press.