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Monday, April 25, 2011


Cassandre Dayne

In writing erotic romance, I have spent hours and hours researching my craft. I think all good writers do and as you can imagine, learning more about certain erotic arts and activities has been fascinating. There are many aspects of the genre and the flavors can be from fairly vanilla laced with a touch of kink to living the lifestyle.

One of the flavors I enjoy writing about is BDSM – I don’t mean simply light spanking and toys that you and your partner order and enjoy. I certainly do have many of those delicious little bits in my books along with ménage, public display and voyeurism, but I’m also talking about a practiced art where two or more people consent into entering into a life of pleasure that stretches the boundaries.

This can mean something like playtime where you enjoy delving into a highly trusted relationship where one of you takes the dominating position while the other submissive and learn the art of pleasure and pain. For those of you that don’t understand the lifestyle where it’s for play or living the life all the time, trust is the number one factor. It’s the strongest bond between the couple and without it the participants will never be comfortable and feel a level of freedom to throw their inhibitions aside.

You’ve all heard about the safe word, but there is so much more to the lifestyle than that. I’ve been asked many times how you know if you’re the dominate or the submissive and generally I think most of us know if we want to take the control in the bedroom or have our partner be the one in charge. Some people enjoy being a switch, which means they can take both roles.

I think any of us that are curious might begin with spanking that turns into experimenting with toys and perhaps moving into a touch of role play or even going as far as tying your partner to an apparatus and using floggers and whips. There again, most of these activities are truly vanilla in flavor and design but you certainly can enjoy ecstasy and anguish.

Let’s talk about something a little heavier. In doing my research, I’ve talked to several full time dom’s – in my case males that have a female slave that belongs to them. They are collared and they were kind enough to help me understand what that entails. If you ever have a craving to taste a bit of the lifestyle, I assure you that it doesn’t mean flogging and violet wands the first day out.

Entering into the lifestyle a newbie, your practiced dom will bring you slowly into the lifestyle. Perhaps you are a jeans wearer and can’t stand dresses and heels. It’s likely your dom will have you wear nothing but dresses for two weeks. He might have you call him at a certain time every day or perhaps take a picture to send to him at the exact time he tells you. The types of requirement are simply to build complete total trust.

One thing that so many people don’t understand, the sub truly has the control in the relationship. The dom, while in charge per say, heeds your needs and desires and that gives him or her pleasure.

Again, some people live this lifestyle only during playtime or maybe at night after work and behind closed doors. There is still some fear and apprehension of being found out so many develop friendships with other couples or societies that also enjoy. I wanted to introduce you to one such society.

I’ve talked with a couple of members and while this is completely consensual in all aspects, they have been banned from sites and web addresses continually. They are… Code d' Odalisque. This is a lifestyle of pleasurable slavery in which the dom is a male and the female signs a contract with their dom. Here’s the actual definition:

It is a genre or style of non-violent consensual slave play engaged in by willing adult men and women. It is a modern revival of aspects of the historical institution of odalisque (female sexual servant) in a consensual form. Play is guided by a written code of rules, etiquette and protocols. The genre or style is an alternative sub-culture within the broader BDSM community; play includes aspects of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission but not sado-masochism. The use of pain and degradation is forbidden under the Code. The values of the Code are hedonistic and pleasure-oriented combining exotic elements from Turkish/Persian erotic culture with modern, Western hardcore tastes. The structure of play is based upon the relationship between a male Slavekeeper and a female slave. Play is essentially heterosexual in character.

They enter into a contract with their master – here’s what it entails:

Slave play in Code d' Ode is governed by a system of contract. The first principle of contract is consent. All players must be legal, sane adults and must be fully consenting. The system of contract is designed to protect all parties, especially the female slave. In the first instance, a slave must draft and sign a Contract of Submission which sets out the shape and limits of her submission to slavery. This can then be modified as required by a further contract called a 'Plea for Mercy'. This system is very flexible. All contracts must be signed by three persons. The contractual provisions of the Code were developed in consultation with legal professionals and in view of the best advice regarding the legal issues inherent in Master/slave relationships, but no claims are made for the legal integrity of Code contracts. Such contracts have no actual legal status but are quasi-legal and are designed to ensure strict adherence to the principle of consent above all. Many legal cases have demonstrated that consent is a problematic matter in Master/slave dominant/submissive relationships. The Code is carefully crafted to provide as much protection to players as possible.

There are many other societies and some are much darker with using creative and sometimes painful forms of punishment to keep their slaves in line. I have been on forums in which both slaves and their masters talk. One thing I have found that if you are collared by your master – literally you wear a collar either 24/7 or when you are in the house, if punishment entails having your collar taken away, it’s horrendous.

The slaves I have talked to are truly finally at peace with themselves because of succumbing to the lifestyle. Many come from terrible relationships where the other partner never understood them. Finding a master is like finding a home.

I’ve enjoyed learning and plan on continuing my research. I hope you enjoyed a little taste and tell me, could you enjoy the lifestyle?

Contact me at:


Kisses xxx


  1. Cassandra - great article! Thanks for the explanation for those new to this type of lifestyle!

    For those who enjoy the 'lifestyle' and contract signed between Master/sub, the understanding they have between the two of them is what makes the relationship work. The Master commands and is in charge only due to the consent of the slave/submissive. Nothing is truly possible to carry out the punishments if the slave has not agreed to it to begin with.

    Submissives who consent to the contract obey and it gives order to their life and/or allows them to experience things a vanilla lifestyle didn't give them. It takes away the worry of being in charge of 'how' a sexual experience can be enjoyed and one has agreed to experiment with different ways to reach the same result...a satisfying experience.

  2. Very well said Tonya - thank you. I love exploring and writing about different lifestyles. Very exciting experience.

  3. It would have to be with someone I have complete trust and Faith in and love more than life itself. To put yourself at the proverbial mercy of someone... trust is the main factor
    Dawne P

  4. The D/s relationship is fascinating to me. I'm still researching as I go along because I would like to do a few more stories involving the lighter side of bondage. I love the tital trust in one another!

    Great post

    S.Lira aka Mike M/Rawiya

  5. I was introduced to this lifestyle when I was in college--but not by participating. My parents were both Doms and explained it to me. I've been fascinated by it ever since (we won't talk about how long that's been), and while I've done some virtual role play only, I still enjoy reading about it. I'm a switch, though I lean more heavily on the sub side, and I've definitely considered the lifestyle. Unfortunately, I married someone who isn't into it. C'est la vie.

    This was a great article--I didn't know about this group, but they seem to have the same views I do about BDSM...heavier on the BDS, lighter/nil on the S/M.

  6. I'm s glad you all enjoyed. I really liked being able to talk with two members that participate. They opened their souls and knowledge up to me and it made all the difference in the world.

  7. I'm not totally into the BDSM lifestyle, but definitely like being tied up, spanked, dirty talk, etc. I'm a very outspoken, extroverted person in the real world, so in the bedroom I like to be a little submissive. After reading your article, I think my reluctance to go any further very well may be a lack of trust.

    Great article!