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Wednesday, October 5, 2011

BDSM AND A STRONG MAN TAKEN IN HAND:THE ART OF BEING A DOMME by Cassandre Dayne

The art and practice of domination comes in many forms and I’ve spent time penning many articles that discuss the D/s lifestyle in which the man was the clear dominator in the relationship. Perhaps that’s because I consider myself to be more of the submissive in the concept of a D/s situation or perhaps it’s simply what I tend to write about more often in my books. However I’m venturing out and stretching many limits in writing Erotic romance to pieces some would consider more fetish based. You have to be careful in writing something very kinky as many readers who’s relationships and lifestyles are based on what the traditional society would consider vanilla would shy away from reading a piece out of their comfort zone but I think the majority of people know there are kinky fetishes out there and are curious.

I think when you’re talking about a D/s in which the Dom is a Domme then you have another aspects of hiding behind the glass curtain. Why? Perhaps because we see the man in a relationship more as the controlling or man in charge kind of situation. This is based on several aspects including the majority of us have grown up in a family where the father is the traditional bread winner and society continues to place pressures on the man to be in commanding and in charge of his family by earning a decent living and providing. Granted times are changing with the onslaught of non-traditional families but it’s slow in coming. I also believe many men and women see a submissive man as a homosexual and that’s not the case so many times. A lot of them are in traditional marriages and simply enjoy a woman being in charge.

In talking with a few guy friends of mine who are honest enough to tell me they’d love to enter into a relationship with a woman where she’s the Domme, there’s still a stigma. They are certainly the he-man types in every day living and are concerned if their friends and family gathered they had and inkling about longing for this kind of relationship they’d be labeled a freak. So they either never engage in their true desires or only enjoy random sexual activities with female friends they can really trust. There are clubs you can join that will allow men – or women for that matter – to engage in practices of submission that’s completely safe and very private.

Still for many men who hunger to be themselves in every day life sharing their deep desires in a long term relationship this can be frustrating. I’ve been honored by a couple very special friends who’ve told me they trust me enough to not only tell me every fantasy but would love for me to be a part of their life being their Domme. I’ve spent time asking why do they think they crave the relationship. For many they’ve always known they hunger for a strong woman to take charge and for others it’s a product of living their every life as this strong male and longing to finally give up the pressures of control. What I’m saying is there is no single reason.

Obviously the practice of femdom challenges the dominant paradigm of masculinity as being inherently dominant and is a subject of highly debated topics among feminist women and dominant men which is another reason the practice is often done in secret. So what does the practice entail? Just like with any BDSM relationship each one is completely different. If men are lucky enough to live the lifestyle they may engage is something as simple as being the submissive in the bedroom to entering into a contract with their Domme and all the other BDSM aspects apply.

What are some methods of femdom practice? Everything from the use of orgasm denial, cock and ball torture (including cock rings etc to keep the cock hard at all times for use by the Domme) to forced chastity and cunnilingus to foot worship and spanking. In more several practices dipping genitals in hot wax is used. For the men I’ve talked to they have a particular desire and aren’t into the extremes with use of wax etc. But many men do enjoy a cock ring and a prostate stimulator a dildo and find both a very pleasurable experience. But most of these men long for one thing and the practice is very difficult for many to admit. Even some completely straight men crave to have a woman slap on a strap on. Remember that as I’ve talked about before you have to have TRUST in any BDSM relationship – complete honesty and trust so this isn’t about forcing a man to do anything. This is a shared passion involving a lifestyle and a negotiation process between two individuals.

Using a strap one is something called pegging and for many Domme’s this is the ultimate method of controlling their sub. Given the term by psychologist Dan Savage, this is sometimes the culmination of complete submission and highly coveted. Of course this is also used in lesbian relationships whether the couple engages in BDSM or not. Strapon’s are nothing new and many men crave simply to have their prostate’s stroked – while I’m not a man I’ve heard this is something men absolutely find stimulating and it aids in keeping his cock hard or milking as it’s been termed. Many hetero couples engage and enjoy the pleasures of experimenting and I think it aids in bringing two people closer together.

As you can imagine for a woman this level of complete control over taking a man in the ass has more of an emotional pull than physical but the need is very strong in many dominating women and they enjoy giving what some consider to be the ultimate pleasure to their mate. It this lifestyle for everyone? Of course not, but if you’re in a solid and loving relationship this can add many flavors to your sex life. If you’re curious as always there are many places you can find additional information and talk with forums and groups that are very private and no one has to know. Ordering strapon’s and prostate dildos is also easier than ever – and just an Internet click away.


I hope you enjoyed…

Kisses xxx
Cassandre


WHERE TO FIND ME
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Email: cassandre@cassandredayne.com
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7 comments:

  1. Cass, you've made a bunch of excellent points in this Blog post, not the least of which is the stigma attached to a man who enjoys being submissive to a Domme. It is an enjoyable change of pace and something I could get used to, but it does indeed require trust - a lot of trust.

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  2. Cass, again a truly wonderful and easy to understand post.

    I agree with you that a lot of men find it hard to admit they want to submit to a woman, especially the man's man.

    Oh and yes I did get sidetracked with the pictures in your post.

    *bites n kisses*

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  3. I absolutely love this post Cass. I've never been dominated, as such, but I have been taken by a woman with a strap-on and I will admit to finding it one of the most erotic and sexually exciting things that I have ever done.

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  4. Great post! Very...uh, stimulating ;) You know I always love the pictures, but honestly, as far as the subject goes, I find a big strong man tied up and dominated very sexy, very exciting. Good thing hubby isn't picky about which role I give him! LOL

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  5. So glad you guys enjoyed - and I have an entire interesting story I'm formulating in my wicked mind too

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  6. Oh, Cass, loved the post! Emotionally, it's not unlike the strong woman who is in charge of everything outside the bedroom wanting to turn things over in bed to someone who will take charge.

    That helps me get my head around the emotions of such a relationship, because I have readers begging me to write a romance for one of my Marines, a woman named Grant who is a Domme at the Masters at Arms club, but pretty much has been on the fringes until the next book. However, she has very much caught the attention of readers--and they do NOT want her to be a switch. (She only submits to her former Master Sergeant, Adam, but even he knows she's just being subordinate, not submissive. )

    Anyway, this gives me a start into thinking about who would be the perfect man for her. Thanks so much!

    And you need to come and blog for The Playroom blog for BDSM authors sometime! http://bdsmauthorsplayroom.blogspot.com/ (Even some of your older blogs on BDSM topics would be great. New audience and all.) All the best!

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  7. Ahhh the Domme lifestyle. Funnil one of my best friends is a Domme and she has been invaluable in my writing research, in fact I've just started writing my new Domme into the final Tess book, and i love her so much I might just give her her own book...

    Great article but JEEPERS hard to concentrate with pictures like that! Plus trying to read on my phone on a packed train!!!!

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